Bring Me Heartache
by secondhandsmile
Summary: Leah's side of the imprint story.
1. Chapter 1

Characters/Pairings: Leah,Sam,Emily... maybe some Jacob later...? (Leah/Jake are awesome squared)

Spoilers: All the books. Might follow the epilogue of Eclipse, but will probably deviate from whatever was established in the first chapter of Breaking Dawn, if you've read it

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the awesomely awesome Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing with them a little, but I'll return them in one piece, promise. Title borrowed from the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy.

A/N: This story has nothing to do with my other one, "Bring on the Rain." Starts when Sam breaks up with Leah, ends... I don't know yet. We'll see. I'll try and write/update as frequently as I can, but I have a short attention span, and I'm also working on another story, a sequel of sorts to "Bring on the Rain," so yeah, I've got two fics going at once. I'm trying to follow canon as closely as possible (with the Breaking Dawn exceptions mentioned under 'Spoilers') but if anybody who has read the books more closely than I have notices discrepancies, just assume I did it on purpose, 'kay? Haha. Thanks. And I know this story has been done a zillion times, but oh well, here's a zillion and one.

PS: To anybody reading this who reviewed "Bring on the Rain," seriously: Thank you. I really, really appreciated the comments that I got on that one. It sounds cheesy, but it really meant a lot to me. So thank you! : )

* * *

_I can not go to the ocean__  
I can not drive the streets at night__  
I can not wake up in the morning without you on my mind__  
So you're gone and I'm haunted__  
And I bet you are just fine__  
Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?  
-"Almost Lover," A Fine Frenzy_

* * *

Her heart hurt.

The full moon shone brightly through the window of her dark room, casting shadows on the walls. Night was the only time she left her curtains open anymore. She didn't need the sun. It had been uncharacteristically sunny in La Push the last few weeks, even for late summer. She swore the sun came out only to mock her. The moon was alright, though. The moon had always looked a bit... sad to her. She knew sad well.

Leah stared out the window, hardly blinking, never flinching, barely even breathing, clutching Mr. Teddy in her hands. The worn and faded stuffed bear with buttons for eyes hadn't left the shelf since she was nine. Seeking solace in a toy made her feel like a child and a little foolish, but she didn't know what to do with her hands, so she remained, clutching Mr. Teddy tightly to her chest.

A month. That was how long she'd sat in this position. She would get up when her mother and father forced her to come down stairs and eat dinner, or to take the occasional shower, or go to the bathroom. But mostly she sat and stared, always in the dark.

The first two and a half weeks, Emily had sat and stared with her; not talking, just holding her hand, or hugging her tightly and smoothing her hair when she couldn't hold back the tears.

Emily hadn't been to see her in a week and a half. In the back of her mind, Leah knew perhaps she should question this, but she was tired. Thinking about Sam was draining.

It was almost the middle of June. She was officially a senior. She should have been outside, going to parties or the beach with her friends. She should have been looking forward to her last year of high school. To prom. But it all seemed rather irrelevant now.

She thought only of Sam. Her rational mind knew that he'd broken up with her a month ago, but it felt like a day. One long, sunless, endless, terrible day. Time meant nothing.

The entire thing was ridiculous. She'd tried to make sense of it, she really had. But it was no use. Hadn't she been everything for him; all he needed? She'd stuck by him, even after he'd disappeared for two weeks. He refused to tell her anything, tried to push her away, but she'd pushed right back. Even though he never told her what had happened, she stayed with him, stayed strong for him, whatever he was going through, and she thought they were better for it. For nearly two months, it was almost as if they were back to the old Sam and Leah.

But then it all shattered.

It was the same week Emily came to visit. One day he meets her favorite cousin, the next, he crushes her.

He stood in front of her on her family's porch, never meeting her eyes, saying things to her she never thought she'd hear.

"_...I'm sorry Leah, but I can't do this...I never meant for this to happen...I can't explain it, you wouldn't understand...I don't want to hurt you, but I don't have a choice...We can't be together anymore..."_

She fought, screamed, begged, pleaded, cried until she thought her eyes would bleed. She held fast to his arm, told him to stop being ridiculous. Wasn't he the boy who'd sworn he loved her? Wasn't he the boy who'd taken her to his senior prom? Who held her during scary movies and made wishes on stars with her on cool summer nights? Wasn't he the one she'd lost her virginity to; the one who was saving to give her a diamond ring after her high school graduation?

His face turned redder and redder, and it was growing harder for him to stay composed, until he exploded, shaking her from his arms.

"I just don't love you anymore!"

She immediately recoiled as if she'd been burned. Guilt washed over Sam's face as he watched her shrink away from him.

"Leah... I'm so sorry..."

He tried to touch her, hold her, give her comfort before he shattered her completely. She stumbled away from him, eyes wide with devastation, shrieking at him to keep his hands off her.

She screamed at him, _get out_, over and over until her voice was gone and her head throbbed. He finally retreated, defeated and guilt ridden. She crumbled to the floor.

Her father tucked her into bed that night, and her mother kissed her forehead and handed her Mr. Teddy. Their words of comfort fell on deaf ears. Emily could barely contain her fury at Sam, and slept in Leah's bed that night, holding Leah tightly to her chest, as though holding her tightly enough would keep her from falling apart. Somewhere in the background she could hear Seth on the phone with Jacob Black, swearing with as much conviction as the preteen could muster that he was going to kill Sam Uley. Leah didn't sleep that night.

That had been a month ago.

She should have been planning a perfect future. Instead, she just sat.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the first time Leah had been out of her house for an extended period of time in well over a month.

She sat in the plastic chair of the hospital waiting room, terrified, shaking, trying not to cry. Seth was in the chair next to her, perfectly still, staring at his feet. Sue and Harry were in the room with Emily's parents, talking to the doctors.

Emily.

She was lying in that hospital bed, bloody and bandaged. They'd gotten the call a few hours ago. Emily had been attacked by a bear. She'd been found in the woods by someone from the reservation out for a hike and rushed to the hospital. Since then it had been a terrible waiting game for information.

She had to be okay, Leah knew she just _had_ to be. The alternative was too grim to even consider. The thought made her heart pound and her throat constrict.

Finally Sue, Harry and Emily's parents emerged from the room.

"She's stable," Sue said to her children. "She's sleeping, but she's fine. The wounds are deep, she needed a lot of stitches. It's mostly just her face, some on her arm. She's going to have bad scars, but she'll be alright."

Leah let out a long breath as a few relieved tears escaped her eyes.

"Can I see her?"

"I don't know, sweetheart... she's sleeping..." her mother said.

"I won't wake her, I swear. I just need to see her."

Leah's mother and father looked at each other hesitantly before Emily's mother stepped in, taking Leah's hand.

"It's alright, Sue. Emily would want her there with her. Come on, honey."

She led Leah down the hallway to Emily's room and let Leah go in alone to have some time with the cousin who was more like a sister.

Emily looked so small, sleeping in the hospital bed. Bandages covered her face and arm. She was covered in little scratches and bruises. Leah guessed they were from falling to the forest floor after the bear attack. She was surrounded by little tubes and wires, and a heart monitor in the corner beeped steadily.

The sight of her wounded cousin brought a fierce sense of loyalty upon Leah. This was Emily, more than her cousin; her sister, her best friend. The person she'd leaned on, in good times and bad. The one who had been there for her, unwavering, after Sam broke her. Now Emily was broken, and Leah vowed then and there to be there for Emily in the same way Emily was always there for her.

She pulled a chair from across the room next to the bed. She sat down and held her cousin's hand, gently, being sure not to wake her.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting in that chair, gazing protectively at Emily while she slept, when her father stepped into the room and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Leah, honey, you've been in here for a while now. Why don't you go get yourself something to eat in the cafeteria and let's let her parents spend some time with her."

"Okay, daddy," she said as she reluctantly let go of Emily's hand and slowly stepped out of the room with a final glance backward before heading down to the cafeteria.

Her father went back to her mother and Seth. Leah turned the corner to take the elevator down to the ground floor. She stopped short, her breath caught in her throat. There, pacing up and down the hallway with jerky, anxious movements, was Sam Uley.

Her entire body tensed as a month's worth of pain came rushing back to her, seeing his face for the first time in weeks.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here?!"

"Leah! I... where's Emily? Is she okay? I...I heard... what happened...is she okay?! Please, god, tell me she's okay..."

He paced faster and faster. Leah thought his shoes were going to dig holes in the floor.

Leah stared at him in confusion. A month ago his concern for her family would have been touching, but now... it didn't make sense. He didn't love her anymore. Why would he care so much about her cousin? Unless... No, it was crazy. That thought made no sense. She pushed it from her mind and returned to the task at hand.

"Why do you even care?! You don't know her! She doesn't even like you, not after what you did to me! So just get out of here! No one wants you here!"

"But I..."

"_Sam_."

Their heads turned at the sound of the stern voice. It was Harry, walking with purpose down the hallway. He came to stand behind Leah, placing a firm hand on his daughter's shoulder. His eyes bore into Sam's.

"You need to leave."

"But sir, I..."

"_Now_."

He moved as if about to say something, to protest, but then stopped and nodded. He turned and quickly pushed through the door leading to the stairs, and disappeared.

Leah's eyes welled up with tears as she watched him go.

"What the heck was that about?" she said with a hitch in her voice.

Harry didn't answer, just pulled his only daughter into a tight hug. "You're a good girl, Leah. Strong, too. Don't ever forget that."

She choked back more tears, and managed to keep her voice steady. "Can I go check on Em again?"

"Of course, honey. Come on."

* * *

Emily was awake when Leah got back to her room.

"Leah..." Her voice was hoarse from sleep and pain.

"No, Em! Don't move, just rest. Here, I'll sit by you," Leah said, reclaiming her spot in the chair by the bed. She held tightly to her cousin's hand as she took in the sight of her eyes, struggling to stay open amid the bandages.

"How are you?" Typical Emily, Leah thought. She must have been in so much pain, but there she was, worrying about Leah.

"Me? I'm... great! Good. Worried about you! God, Em, I was _so scared_. We all were. Thank god you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if..." She trailed off. Emily ignored Leah's rambling. The girls knew each other well enough that Emily, even in her injured state, could see right through her.

"Did something happen?"

"Yes! You got mauled by a bear! The only thing you should be worrying about right now is healing, so just sleep, okay? I'll stay with you if you want."

"Leah. Tell me."

Leah sighed. "Sam was here. He came here to see _you_." Leah winced. She hadn't meant for that last word to come out with an edge of bitterness. She hoped Emily didn't notice.

Emily herself started to cry, and Leah's heart broke for her.

"Oh, no, Em. What's the matter? Don't cry, okay? Don't worry about him, he's a jackass. I'm fine, you're fine, he's gone. Just get better, okay?"

"No... it's not that... I..."

"...Em?"

"I need to tell you something."

Leah was sure her heart stopped for a brief moment. "About..."

"Sam."

Leah held her breath. She wanted to tell Emily to stop and rest, but she seemed resolute, and Leah felt a sort of morbid curiosity tugging at the corners of her mind. She remained quiet while Emily explained.

"It was after... a few weeks ago. I went to the store to get some milk for Sue while you were in the shower... and I ran into Sam."

"...Did he talk to you?"

"That's the thing," she said nervously, wringing her hands together. "He tried to make small talk at first, but I was short with him, and then he just started saying all these things... ridiculous things..."

"Like what?" Leah tried to keep her tone even and casual.

"It didn't... it didn't make any sense... he started going on about... about love... and fate... and soulmates... and me..."

"But that doesn't..."

"I know! I didn't know what to do. I'd met him once. And what he did to you... I yelled at him and left."

"He's in love with you," Leah said quietly, disbelieving. "He left me for you."

"I'm so sorry, Leah, you have to believe me, I don't know what got into him, but I didn't... I wouldn't..."

"I know." Her vision blurred as tears continued to collect in the corner of her eyes.

"That's why I stayed away for a while," Emily said, grasping Leah's hand. "He wouldn't leave me alone. He started standing outside your house while I was there. I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want to hurt you more, and I didn't want you to see him there, so I thought I'd stay away from your house and figure out how to get him to leave us alone... I should have told you... _please_ forgive me... I didn't want him to hurt you more..."

Leah felt numb. "I don't know what to say."

"Please, Leah," Emily said fiercely, gripping her hand tighter. "You have to know, I would never... I hate him for what he's done to you. I would never betray you like that. _Never_."

"Oh, Em. I know. I love you. Don't worry, I know."

Emily let out a sigh of relief and settled back down on the pillows. "Good."

"Don't worry about Sam. Just rest. Get better," Leah said. She focused her mind entirely on Emily's injury and helping her get better. She didn't think of Emily's protests against Sam. Had she, she would have admitted that it seemed as though Emily were trying to convince herself more than Leah.

And her heart couldn't handle that.

* * *

A/N: So I'm totally not in love with this chapter. It feels more like a filler to me. Meh. I'm okay with how it turned out, but not thrilled. Maybe I'll play with it more later, but for now, I really want to get on to the juicer stuff... so there ya go. Constructive criticism/suggestions always welcome. Help me be a better writer! : D


	3. Chapter 3

After she was released from the hospital, it was Emily's turn to remain confined to the house. Rather than return home, she stayed with the Clearwater's. Emily had been treated initially on their reservation, and everyone involved thought it best if she stay there until after she had more time to heal. Her parents had stayed with the Clearwater's for about a week; eventually they had to return to work, but they spent each weekend with their daughter.

Emily stayed in the spare room upstairs next to Leah's. She didn't leave the house often but that was nothing new; she'd always been a bit of a homebody. Mostly, she and Leah stayed in doors or out on the porch. They watched movies, ate junk food, painted each other's toenails like they had when they were kids. It kept Emily's mind off her scared face, and Leah's mind off her scared heart.

She was doing better, she really was. The thought that Sam could be in love with her cousin stung in ways she couldn't have imagined, but they did not speak of him, and she hadn't seen him since that time at the hospital. She'd long since moved everything in her room that reminded her of him to the attic. And he didn't seem to be lurking around the house anymore. Harry had taken to polishing his shotgun out on the porch daily, just to scare the boy, in case he got any bright ideas about hiding in the bushes. But it seemed he hadn't.

No, Emily and Leah spent their days together in relative peace. Mostly, she just refused to think about him. She concentrated on keeping Emily's spirits up until the stitches were removed. Denial was a beautiful thing. She would deal with her pain... later? Perhaps never? She assumed any number of therapists would agree such a response wasn't healthy, but at least she wasn't in her dark room, staring at nothing.

* * *

Emily had been with the Clearwater's for a little less than two weeks when she developed a habit.

"I'm going for a walk," she announced to Leah in the kitchen one morning.

"Where? To the store? Here, I'll grab my flip flops and come with you."

"No!" Emily said quickly. "I was going to go out in the woods a little, follow one of the trails back there."

"...But... are you sure you should be out? I mean, with the bandages and stuff, if you fell or something..."

"I'll be fine. I just need to get out, you know, for some air."

"Okay... well, I'll just grab my sneakers and..."

"No! I mean... um... I was just going to go by myself," she said nervously.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I won't be out long."

"Okay."

"See you later!" she said quickly as she rushed out the kitchen door into the yard, past Seth, who was trailing mud inside after a morning of pick-up football with his friends.

"Watch the mud, Mom'll freak."

"Whatever," he shrugged as he kicked his shoes off and into the corner, leaving a trail of dirt and grass in their wake. "Where was Em going so fast?"

"I don't know, the woods I guess."

"The woods? Didn't she get attacked by a bear a couple weeks ago?" His voice was muffled because his head was stuck in the refrigerator, where he was pulling out nearly all the food they had. It was only 10a.m. Hadn't he eaten before he went outside with his friends a few hours ago? Leah thought. Did football really make him that hungry? She shook her head. Boys were weird and her brother was obviously no exception.

"Yeah... I don't know why..." she said uncertainly, turning her attention back to Emily and her speedy departure.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go play video games." With that, he gathered his mountain of food in his arms and headed for the living room.

Seth made a good point, Leah mused. Emily_ had_ just been attacked by a bear. Had it been her, Leah would be scared to venture into the woods so soon after, not to mention alone, and she knew Emily to be more skittish than she.

On the other hand, maybe it was some sort of healing thing. A "face your fears" kind of thing. If that were the case, she had to give Emily credit. The girl was surprisingly brave sometimes.

Leah shrugged, letting the matter go for the time being. She wandered off into the living room to see if she could kick Seth's butt at Mario Kart.

* * *

Emily went for a walk by herself almost everyday. One afternoon, about half an hour after leaving for such a walk, Sue called up to Leah's room, asking her daughter to come down stairs.

"Yeah, Mom?" she asked as she walked down the stairs into the living room.

Her mother sat rigid on the couch, her back straighter than normal. Her face and hands were still but she seemed... nervous, somehow.

"Emily left for her walk a bit ago. You were in the shower. She asked me to have you meet her down at the beach."

"Oh? Any reason?"

"She...didn't say..."

Leah shrugged. "Okay. I guess I'll go meet her down there then." She walked into the kitchen while she said this. She threw on her flip flops and was about to leave when her mother, who had followed her, called out, "Leah! Honey, wait..."

"Yeah, Mom?"

Sue's face looked strangely conflicted. "I... Nothing. Never mind, dear...I love you, honey."

Leah gave her mother a puzzled look, shaking her head a little. "Love you, too, Mom. See ya!"

Sue sighed as she stood, peering out the door, watching her daughter hop down the back steps and into the woods.


	4. Chapter 4

It only took Leah a few minutes to reach the beach. Emily sat on a large rock just past the edge of the forest, facing the water. She was hugging her knees to her chest, gazing out at the water. Her eyes looked distracted and somehow sad. Her mouth was bent in a slight frown.

Leah walked up to her slowly. "Em?" she said softly.

Emily jumped at the sudden sound of her cousin.

"Sorry...didn't mean to scare you," Leah said.

"Oh, no, it's fine. I was just...thinking."

"What's up, Em? Mom said you wanted me to meet you down here."

Emily took a deep breath. "I love you, Leah, you know that, right?"

Leah looked at Emily in confusion. "Um... sure..."

"You're my favorite cousin. My best friend; sister, really. You're one of the most important people in my life."

"I love you, too, Em."

"You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, right?" She looked at Leah, her face a mix of desperation and hope.

"What's all this about, Em?"

"I just...need you to know... to understand, how much I love you. I'd rather die than hurt you."

"Em, I know. I feel the same way. But what's this all about? You're kind of freaking me out."

"I..."

The girls' heads spun to the side as a twig snapped, cutting off Emily's sentence. Leah's eyes narrowed in anger.

"_Sam_!"

He walked cautiously out from the trees. His eyes drifted between the two girls. He stayed just on the edge of the forest, making no move to come any closer.

"Sam Uley! What the hell is wrong with you?! I thought you'd stopped stalking us!"

"Leah..." Emily said gently, placing a hand on Leah's arm.

"What? This is disgusting! Go away! It's bad enough you had to go and break my heart, now you're dragging my cousin into this, too. We both hate you, so just leave us alone!"

Sam stared at Leah, his eyes full of pain and... was that guilt she saw? He looked strained, as if he wanted desperately to say something, but he remained quiet.

"Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?!"

Nothing.

"Idiot! Just leave us alone! Tell him, Em. Leave us _alone_!"

"Leah..." Leah turned to face her cousin, noticing for the first time how conflicted she looked.

"Em?"

Emily tore her eyes from Leah, focusing on Sam. The pain in their eyes mirrored each other.

"Em... Emily... What's going on?" Leah said slowly, painfully, her voice cracking as she took a stumbling step back from the two.

"I... There's something I need to tell you... _we_ need to tell you," she said. Sam stepped toward Emily, closing the gap between them as he reached for her. She grasped his hand firmly as the turned back toward Leah.

She stood in shock. Her mouth fell open with a gasp as her eyes widened in recognition.

"No."

"Leah..."

"No... no... _NO_!" She screamed at them, shutting her eyes tightly against the tears that had already begun flooding her face.

"I'm so sorry, Leah. I'm so sorry," Emily said, despair lining her words as she looked helplessly at her cousin.

'What is... is this some kind of... joke? Please tell me this is some kind of sick _joke_!"

"I'm sorry, Leah... we didn't know how to tell you... we didn't want to hurt you..."

"Hurt me?! I don't even _understand_! When did you... how..."

"We've been... talking," Sam said, finally breaking his silence. "Everyday. Sorting out our feelings. We wanted to tell you before we made anything official."

"Everyday?! How the fuck have you been talking everyday?! You haven't been to the house. Dad sits on the porch with his shot gun, and we... no... you..." She glared accusingly at Emily. "_Out for a walk_?! That's why you never want me to go!"

"Leah, please! Please listen to us!" Emily said, crying. "We never meant to hurt you!"

"_Bitch_. You selfish _bitch_! You promised! You said you would never... how could you... how could you _do_ this to me?!" she forced out with a sob.

"Please... Leah... _please_..."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't strangle you."

Emily looked down at the ground. Quietly she said, "I love him."

"WHAT?! You... what?! No. NO! You don't even know..._NO_!"

"Leah, it's true. She loves me... and I love her." She looked over to see Sam's eyes fixed on her, silently begging, pleading with her to understand.

"But... you've only known each other just over a month." she said softly, tears now flowing freely and steadily down her face. "It took you a year to finally say it to me."

"I know. God, Leah, you don't know how this is killing me. I hate myself for what I've done to you, what _we're_ doing to you, but I... I just can't explain it."

"I thought you loved me," she breathed out, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I do. I love you so much, Leah. But Emily... we need each other. I can't explain it... it's like we can't breath without each other."

She shook her head, angry, confused, pain seeping from her veins. "No... I don't... I don't understand... How do you even think this is going to work? She's only here for the summer. You don't even live near each other!"

"I'm moving here," Emily said.

"What?! Where?! You've been staying with us! And Sam still lives with his mom!"

"We're... we're getting a place together."

"You're... where?!"

Neither Sam nor Emily said a word. Emily turned to Sam, her eyes filled with tears, unable to answer. Sam gripped her hand tighter and turned his face to Leah. The remorse in his eyes answered the question for him. She gasped, tripping clumsily over rocks and weeds as she stumbled backward, away from them.

"No... Sam... you wouldn't..."

"Leah..."

"_**NO**_!" Her earsplitting scream echoed around them. "Not that house! _Please_! Any but that house!"

Memories flowed forcefully through her mind. The little gray house with the blue door, down the dirt road off the end of the highway. The run-down house with the permanent "For Sale" sign in the yard. All it needed was a little love, some yard work, pretty curtains. He'd promised her, when they'd ridden their bikes to the abandoned house and made love in the over grown grass behind it, that it would be their's just as soon as she finished high school.

"You said... you... you _promised _me, Sam! It's supposed to be ours! We were going to put a tire swing in the front! You said you'd build me a picket fence..."

'I'm so sorry, Leah, _so sorry_."

She laughed. She'd the word "sorry" so much in such a short span of time, it ceased to mean anything.

'Sorry? You're sorry?! You said you _loved_ me, you bastard, and you swore you'd never leave me. You were saving for a _ring_! And now you're _sorry_?! Did you _ever_ love me?"

"God, Leah, of course I did! I do! I can't tell you... I love you, I still do, so much, but I just..."

"Love her more," she finished for him, throwing an accusing finger in Emily's direction.

Sam hung his head in shame. "I'm so sorry," he muttered.

Leah looked between the two of them. The utter shame branded across their features was almost... comical. She began laughing bitterly. Her laughter became more hysterical, more frenzied as it quickly gave way to devastating sobs. The pain finally overcame her as she sunk to the ground, sobbing, her head buried in her hands.

Her mind burned as she struggled to make sense of what was happening. Her thoughts spun recklessly in her head and the world around her felt like it was spinning, too. She could sense Sam and Emily, far away, but too close, rushing to her side. She was vaguely aware of someone's hands on her, arms trying to hold her with condescending gentleness.

"_Don't touch me!_" she shrieked, snapping away from their grasp. "Don't you dare touch me!"

"Leah..." Emily sobbed. "Please!"

Her words were frantic, anguished, as she spun at Sam.

"Don't ever speak to me again! I mean it, I never want to see you again." She turned, stared hard at Emily. "_Either_ of you."

With that, she took off for the forest, ignoring Sam's pleas and Emily's cries. Pain radiated from her as she ran, pushing her muscles past their breaking point, trying desperately to keep her mind clear enough to make it home.

She finally reached her house and slammed through the back door. She gripped the kitchen table with all she had, breathing heavily.

"Leah..."

She looked up to see her mother in the doorway, looking at her with eyes full of pity and pain. As Leah stared at her mother, the anger festering inside her nearly exploded.

"_You knew_."

Her head screamed in pain.

"You knew! You knew why Emily wanted to see me! You knew why she wanted me to go to the beach!"

"Oh, honey..."

"How _could_ you?! You let me go there... and you _knew_!"

"Sweetheart, I couldn't tell you. They had to do it. It would have been worse hearing it from someone else."

"Worse? _Worse_?!"

"Leah, honey..." Sue reached for her daughter, tears in her own eyes, her heart breaking over the pain from which she could never shield her daughter.

Leah pushed out of her mother's embrace and ran, stumbling up the stairs. She made it to the bathroom just in time to empty her stomach into the toilet. She continued to vomit until there was nothing left in her. Dry heaves shook her body and her hair was a tangled mess of sweat around her face; her body trembled violently. Overcome with exhaustion and despair, she sild, half conscious, to the bathroom floor.

She was aware of the unfolding scene as if watching from outside her body. Harry came in from work just as Leah ran upstairs; her mother told him what happened. He picked her up off the bathroom floor and carried her to her bed, and her mother wiped her face with a damp wash cloth.

They went into the hall and somewhere in her mind, Leah could catch pieces of the voices floating under the door.

"...I'll kill him, Sue. If I see that boy, I'll kill him!"

"Shh! Harry, please, don't talk like that, it doesn't help anything!"

"I mean it! I'm done! With both of them! She can come back long enough to get her things, but then she's gone! She can go with her parents, she can go with him, but she can't stay here!"

"She's leaving tonight. And you know it's not her fault. Not really."

"I don't care! I don't care whose, or _what's_ fault it is! That Uley boy had better keep his distance."

"Harry, stop it. You know we can't afford to ostracize anyone. If Seth..."

"Damn it, Sue, I know! I know. But I don't like it."

"You think I do? I want to _strangle_ Sam... but if Seth... we just can't..."

Harry sighed. "I know. Our hands are tied."

It was that night Leah began to hate the pack, even before she knew there was a pack to hate.


	5. Chapter 5

Senior year started as her life seemed to end. Summer quietly began slipping away, taking with it so much more than the sunshine.

Those first few days of school were a black hole. Sam had graduated, so he wouldn't have been there anyway, but somehow the school felt emptier than she'd ever expected, back when they were still them.

She'd carried out the rest of the summer in a kind of foggy darkness, rarely leaving the house. Her mother had taken to forcing her to go to the store for bread or milk (it didn't matter that there was a perfectly good loaf on the counter top or an unopened gallon in the fridge). But she ran those errands as though on auto-pilot and spent the rest of the time in her room.

She felt... empty. It was a sort of throbbing numbness; a completely irrational concept, she knew, but full of poetic something-or-other all at once.

Her wounds were fresh and deep, and there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

Nothing changed when school started. If anything, she felt lonelier at school than she did at home. School made her realize just how isolated she'd become. Sue would sometimes suggest she call up a friend and get out of the house, but if Leah were honest with herself, she didn't know who to call. Emily had been her best friend. Sam, her whole world. As she sat by herself in the lunchroom on the second day of school, she realized just how many friends she'd lost touch of, opting to spend all her free time with Sam. Jacob Black sometimes sat with her during lunch, when Paul and Jared got a little too rowdy. They didn't talk; didn't really even look at each other, just ate their lunches in silence. But at least it was human contact with someone who wasn't her parents or Seth. It had to count for something.

While other girls might have let their scholastic priorities fall to the side in a situation like hers, Leah held fast to her schooling. AP English and college applications were her life vest, holding her head just above the surface, keeping her from drowning completely. By the time Columbus Day had rolled around, Leah had applied to six schools, all of them on the other side of the country. Sam and Emily had stolen her home; she intended to find another, at least a thousand miles away.

* * *

It was early November when Emily paid a visit to the Clearwater home. She started stopping by on a fairly regular basis a few weeks after the "incident" at the beach. She said she came to visit with Sue, but it was just a cover. She made no secret that she hoped for a reconciliation with Leah. Leah in turn made it no secret that she thought Emily was heartless. Or at least incredibly naive. She'd taken to hiding out in her room during these visits, if she stayed in the house at all. Harry would often invite his daughter along with him and Seth to go play cards and watch the ball game with the Blacks whenever Emily stopped by. He was cordial enough to Emily, but she was his wife's family, not his.

That afternoon, Leah watched from the window as Emily once again walked the path to the front door. As the door bell rang, Leah closed her shades, locked her door, and sat at her desk to busy herself with AP homework for the duration of Emily's visit. It was too early for her father to be home; she had no other plausible escape route. Staying behind her locked door would have to do.

About an hour later, there was a knock at her bedroom door.

"Leah?"

She sighed, looking up from her school work. "What?"

"Can I come in for a minute, please?"

"Why?"

"I need to speak with you."

"Nope."

"Leah..."

"I didn't hear Emily leave, so I'm guessing she's standing out there with you. So, nope, sorry."

"Leah..."

"Mother..."

"Leah! Open the door."

"...Fine. But just you."

She grudgingly set down her pen and got up to let her mother in. She shut the door immediately behind Sue, not sparing a glance out into the hallway.

"What?" Leah snapped, sitting back down at her desk, resuming work on her essay about "The Awakening."

"Emily would like to speak to you."

"Good for her."

"Leah..."

"What does she want? Or can you not tell me? Just gonna let her ambush me again?"

"Just hear her out."

"No."

"This is getting ridiculous, Leah. You're being childish."

"No, what's ridiculous is when your cousin steals your boyfriend, and then your mother still acts like your cousin is a damn saint!"

"Leah! Listen to her or no computer for two weeks!"

"But Mom!"

"No, you heard me."

"But I need the computer to look up more colleges!"

"I know."

She stared hard at her mother, willing her to relent. When she didn't budge, Leah threw her hands up in the air. "Fine!"

"Thank you."

"Whatever," she mumbled, slouching in her chair, engrossing herself in her essay as much as possible.

Her mother left and went back downstairs, leaving the door open. Emily walked cautiously into the room.

"Hi, Leah," she said tentatively, testing the waters. She received no answer. Leah kept scribbling away at her homework.

"How are you?"

Leah merely snorted in reply, her back turned to Emily, and rolled her eyes in front of her work.

"Erm... right... um... hey! I like your sweater! It's cute. You look really pretty in that blue."

"Oh, gosh, thanks!" she said with sarcastic cheerfulness. "It's new. Mom got it for me in Port Angeles last weekend. Do you want it? You can have it! We both know how much you like to take my things."

Emily winced but didn't respond. "How's school?"

"Well, you know, since I have no boyfriend to spend time with, and no best friend to talk to, my grades have never been better."

"Right... erm... well, how is..."

Leah let out a frustrated sigh. "Cut the bullshit, Emily. What do you want?"

Emily paused, nervous, fidgeting and wringing her hands together. She finally screwed up her courage and sucked in a deep breath.

"SamandIaregettingmarried."

"Huh?"

"...Sam and I... are getting married. In the summer. And I, well, _we, _would like you to be a bride's maid."

Leah's pen dropped from her hand as she tensed hard in her chair. She didn't turn around.

"I really miss you," Emily continued softly. "We feel terrible about what happened. We both love you so much, we really do. I know Sam thinks about you a lot. He wants to make things right. We know how deeply we hurt you, but we both miss you. We want you back in our lives. It would mean so much to us. You can help me pick out a color you wouldn't mind wearing," she finished hopefully.

"Get out."

"Leah, please. I know it's a lot to ask, but it would mean so much..."

"I'm going to throw my calculus book at you if you don't get out of here," she said plainly, her hand hovering over the heavy text.

Emily sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry, I'll go. If you change your mind..."

"_Get out_," she hissed.

"Right, okay. Well... I love you. And I miss you," Emily said sadly as she walked out the room.

* * *

Leah tried unsuccessfully to finish her essay. The more she told herself not to think of Sam and Emily... the more she thought of Sam and Emily. And it hurt.

It was a while after Emily's departure when there came another knock at her bedroom door.

"Go away, Mom."

"Sweetheart, it's dad. Can I come in?"

"Oh. Okay, sure daddy." She unlocked and opened the door for Harry and flopped down on her bed.

"How are you doing?"

She shrugged. "Been better."

"Your mom tells me Emily asked you to be a bride's maid and you turned her down."

Leah groaned and rolled her eyes. "Of course she did."

"Now, she sent me up here because apparently I'm supposed to talk some sense into you."

"Whatever."

"Your mom seems to think you'll regret it later if you don't do it. Much as I hate to admit it, I think she's right."

This earned Harry another eye roll.

"Why don't you want to do it?"

Leah sat up, giving Harry an incredulous look that clearly said, 'are you kidding me?'

"Um, because she stabbed me in the back and he broke my heart? Excuse me for not wanting to celebrate that," she snapped, turning away from Harry to stare blankly out the window. "They hurt me. They said they wouldn't, but they did. I'm not doing them any favors."

"...Okay... see, I thought about that, too, and I had a thought... no, Leah, hear me out. What if you didn't do it for them?"

"Um, duh. That's what I'm saying."

"No, I mean, don't do it for them. Do it for you."

"Me?! Why the hell would I..."

"Just hear me out, honey."

"Fine."

"Look, no one dislikes those two right now more than me. Having to pick my half-conscious baby girl up off the bathroom floor because some..._ boy_... didn't treat her right is not something a dad wants to have to do. That boy never deserved you. And Emily... she's a nice enough girl, but I was always taught that blood is thicker than water.

Honey, I've seen the way you've been lately, we all have, even Seth, and we don't like it. You aren't yourself anymore, and it breaks your mother's heart to see you this way. Now, I'm not too old to remember that these things take time. No one's expecting you to be fine over night. You keep taking your time.

But I think being in the wedding could help; maybe bring you some closure. And I know you, Leah, I know you like to be strong. I know you hate all the pitying looks you get every time you step out of the house. So show them you're better than that. Be brave. Let them see you, the real you. Stand on that altar next to them, looking prettier than the bride ever looked, and smile 'til you can't smile no more. But do it for you, Leah. Don't do it for them. Don't let those two keep making your choices for you. You're better than that."

Harry finished his impromptu speech and sat down in the desk chair. A long silence settled over the room until Leah finally spoke.

"Are you done?"

Harry simply nodded. He stood up, and with a quick glance to his daughter, left the room, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

Leah sat and stared out the window for what must have been hours. It had become pitch black outside and her alarm clock told her it was nearly the middle of the night.

She thought about all of it. The years of happiness she and Sam had shared, and the earth-shattering day he'd ended it. The month she'd barely left her room.. The hospital with Emily, and weeks later, the beach; the scene of their betrayal. She thought of the wedding she would never have, the house that would not be hers, the children she would not raise. She thought of everything her father said. He was right. She didn't feel like Leah anymore.

Picking up the phone from her nightstand, she quickly dialed Sam and Emily's number before she could lose her nerve.

"Hello?"

"I need to talk to Emily."

"...Who is this...?"

"Leah. Remember me? The girl you were screwing 'til you starting screwing my cousin?" She could feel his discomfort through the phone. It almost made her smirk.

"Erm... sorry... just a second."

There was a brief pause while he found Emily and handed over the phone. "Hello?"

"I'll do it."

"Leah?"

"Yes, god, you guys are slow."

"Sorry... you said..."

"I changed my mind."

"Oh. You mean you'll be one of my..."

"Bride's maids. Yes. I'll do it."

"Oh, Leah! Really? That just means the world to me! Really, I..."

"Yeah, whatever. But let's get one thing straight. I'm only doing this because I feel kind of sorry for you because your face got mauled by a bear."

Emily ignored the comment, choosing instead to thank her. "Really. This means so much to us. Thank you."

"Sure."

"I love you."

She hesitated for a moment. Leah opened her mouth, almost about to respond, but instead hung up the phone, biting hard on her lip until she could taste the blood.

* * *

After she got off the phone with Emily, Leah cried herself to sleep that night. The next day, she filled out and mailed three more college applications.


	6. Chapter 6

The harshest months of winter came and went. Well, came, anyway. Snow fell and fell… and then fell some more. After a few months, it started to melt away a bit. But it came back the next morning, once again coating their little corner of Washington with an endless layer of white.

Leah passed the weeks with a strict, solid routine. She woke up in the morning with just enough time to dress, eat and make it to homeroom before the late bell rang. She took extensive, unnecessary notes during class. Her English teacher assigned three chapters; she read five. Her calculus teacher assigned only the even numbered problems; she did the odds, too. The papers she handed in after winter break were quite a few pages longer than they needed to be. She stayed in the library after school, only going home just before dinner. She ate, washed the dishes, shut herself up in her room to read or finish any schoolwork she had left, showered, and went to bed. Day in and day out, always the same. She kept her days as full as she could of other people's words and facts; anything to keep her mind from straying into the abyss that was Sam and Emily. She recited Spanish vocabulary words out loud in the shower just to be safe.

Leah knew it was ridiculous to put that much effort into school. She'd always managed good grades without too much trouble; she was naturally smart, and after all, she was a senior, her college applications long since submitted. As long as she passed and graduated, her final average didn't mean much.

But she held tightly to her routine. It kept her sane, kept her thinking ahead to a future that included dorm rooms and frat parties and classes full of boys who weren't named Sam. Really, it was all she had.

* * *

Every few weeks, however, her routine was interrupted. Every few weeks, all her hard work and careful guarding of thoughts seemed like a waste.

She couldn't understand why Emily's mother insisted on such frequent dress-fittings. She didn't see what the big deal was, it was just a bunch of dresses for a stupid wedding. And ugly dresses at that. Sea foam, she thought the color was called. She thought it looked more like vomit. The cut of the dress was thankfully fairly simple and flattering. Tea length, round neck, thin straps. The color was bad enough. There was no way Emily would have gotten her in taffeta or poufy sleeves.

Everyone thought the color looked lovely on her. At the fittings, they all remarked that it contrasted beautifully against her clear, coppery complexion. Or it brought out the honey tones in her eyes. Or it looked amazing with her long, shiny hair. Leah wasn't naïve. All she had to do was look in a mirror to know she was beautiful. She also wasn't an idiot. She stared into the face of every woman there who showered her with compliments, silently questioning; was she really that captivating, or did the woman just know the true story of Sam and Emily's courtship? She may have hoped it was the former, but she knew better.

* * *

It was a Saturday at the beginning of February when she sat at another one of these dress fittings. It was nine in the morning, and Leah sat in a chair in the corner of the bridal store, her eyes shut tightly, clutching her thermos of coffee. She ignored the sign in the window that read 'no food or drink' and glared at any saleswoman who gave the thermos a second glance. If she spilled it on something, she figured it would be Emily's fault, anyway. It was bad enough the bitch had to steal her boyfriend. Did she have to make her get up so damn early on a Saturday, too?

She took another sip from the thermos and grimaced slightly, surprised by the temperature of the coffee. It was warm enough, but she expected it to be hotter. She'd brewed it at home before she came, but that had only been a few minutes ago. The water had been boiling, hadn't it? She shrugged. It was awfully cold out, and the thermos was old. Maybe it wasn't as effective as she thought.

Thankfully the store itself seemed pretty warm. Her mother, chatting with the other women near the fitting rooms, beckoned her over. Leah rolled her eyes and groaned. Like the dress would look any different than it had three weeks ago. She took off her scarf and coat and left them on the chair before joining the rest of the women.

Emily was already changing. The rest would wait until she was done. Emily's dress always took time, with its complicated straps and ties and large skirt and even larger bustle. Everyone always cooed over Emily and her pretty, pretty princess dress. Though she smiled politely, Leah thought the dress was a big joke. It was too big, too white, too frilly, too everything. Did Emily really think they were living in some sort of fairy tale? Leah knew for a fact that they weren't. Had they been, Leah was pretty sure she would be cast as the poor, lovely but cast-aside servant girl… er… bride's maid… and that the prince would rescue her in the end. The prince, however, had already screwed her over quite sufficiently and ridden off into the sunset with someone else, so she figured they could shelve the whole fairy tale idea.

The chatter around her was as inane as it could get.

"Oh goodness, aren't you just so excited? The wedding's only a few months away now!"

"I know! It's going to be wonderful! She looks so gorgeous in that dress."

"Yes, stunning. I'm so thrilled for her."

"I always knew she'd find someone."

"I know. She never thought it would happen but it did."

"It couldn't have happened with a nicer man. He's so kind, and loyal, too."

Leah snorted from her spot on the outskirts of the group, and quickly tried to disguise it with a cough when the others started looking at her. She hadn't really meant it to be heard.

"Oh, Leah dear, are you alright?" asked Emily's great aunt Susan.

"Yeah. Great," she said through gritted teeth, just the faintest hint of sarcasm lacing her words.

* * *

Emily came out of the fitting room, everyone cooed, Leah held back her vomit and kept her eye rolls to a minimum, and then finally, after nearly a half hour of this, it was everyone else's turn to try on their dresses.

Leah grabbed her dress from the arms of a disgustingly chipper saleswoman and stalked to a dressing room far in the back, making sure to slam the door just enough to make the girl in the room next to her jump. Leah tugged off her jeans and socks and yanked her sweater over her head, tossing her clothes in a messy pile in the corner.

She stood in her underwear, arms crossed tightly over her chest, glaring at the dress hanging from the inside of the door. If only she could set things on fire with just her mind. It could only improve the dress. Anger continued to simmer somewhere in her stomach. Why the hell had she listened to her father? The fact that he'd been right was irrelevant. To make matters worse, Emily seemed to be under the impression that they would be friends again now. She would chatter away at her, asking her questions and complimenting her sweaters, undaunted by the fact that Leah would only grunt in reply.

She sighed in defeat, like she did every time, and slipped the ugly barf dress over her head. She did up the zipper on the side and then plopped down on the stool, refusing to look in the mirror.

She stared blankly at the wall in front of her, trying to pretend she was anywhere but there, wearing anything but that. It was a miserable game, and she wasn't very good at it. Tears started to well up in her eyes, and she was thankful she'd deemed it too early in the morning to bother with eye makeup.

"Honey, are you almost ready?" her mother asked gently, rapping softly on the door. "The seamstress is waiting."

"Yeah, just a second," she said in a shaky voice.

"How are you doing, Leah?" Over the past few months, Leah and her mother had come to a fragile understanding. Leah still couldn't understand how her mother could still treat Sam and Emily so kindly, but slowly Leah let herself admit that her mother did care. Whatever her reasons for making nice with Emily, she was a mother first and foremost. She did what she could to make that clear to Leah. She couldn't stay mad at her mother forever, and she slowly began to lean on her mother in ways she hadn't since she was a child. Especially at these silly fittings.

"…Okay… you'd think this would be easier by now."

"Don't sell yourself short, Leah. You've been fine."

"I guess."

"Take your time, sweetheart. Dry your eyes, and come out when you're ready."

Leah waited a few minutes after her mother walked away and finally allowed herself a moment to look in the mirror. The color was still hideous, but the cut was nice enough. The straps sat well on her strong and slender shoulders. The round neckline accentuated her graceful collarbone, and hemline fell perfectly around her shapely legs. She'd been so busy with school and with not thinking about Sam that she hadn't really noticed when she'd lost the remainder of her baby fat. Where she had once been thin, but soft and maybe a little curvy, her body seemed to have sculpted and hardened itself. Her stomach was flat; she had well-defined hips, but they seemed sharp. Her arms and legs were thin, but she could detect muscle building up beneath the skin. Her whole body was lean, but somehow strong. And she'd sprouted a few inches in the last couple months. Seth's recent growth spurt wasn't much of a shock (though how he'd bulked up so quickly, and at the age of fourteen, she'd never know), but her own was a bit puzzling. But then again, it must have happened gradually because she hadn't really noticed any change until the third dress fitting.

Leah shook her head, forgetting about her height, and walked cautiously as always out of the dressing room, knowing what was to come.

It was Emily's great aunt Susan who got to her first.

"Oh Leah, dear! You look just lovely! Doesn't she look just lovely, everyone? That shade of green, I say, the way it makes your skin glow! And those eyes!"

The women gathered around, nodding eagerly, all ready to placate her into oblivion. She could read the pity and curiosity plainly on all their faces, but her eyes sought out one in particular. When her gaze met Emily's, she glared ever so slightly at the sadness she found there.

_Don't you dare pity me, Emily. Don't you __**dare**__._

AN: Sorry it took me eons to update. What can I say? I'm lame like that.  
So. I finished Breaking Dawn tonight. I won't say anything about it for anyone who isn't ridiculous like me and didn't read it in a total of about 9 hours. But it got me thinking about this story and whether or not I want to follow canon now, or even semi-canon. And I decided, eh. Whatevs. They call if fanFICTION for a reason, afterall. So yeah, I'll probably stick with my original plan and ignore Breaking Dawn. May throw in a few Leah-related things from BD, but maybe not. shrug We'll see... But if anything contains BD spoilers, I'll let ya know.


	7. Chapter 7

Leah and Sue returned home later that day after the dress fitting.

"Sue, Leah, that you?" Harry called from the living room upon hearing the back door open.

"Yeah, daddy, we're home."

"Come out here, Leah, you got some mail. Big envelopes; looks important."

Leah looked at her mother, eye brows raised, face hopeful. "Is it what I think it is?"

"Only one way to find out," her mother said with a grin.

With that, Leah made a dash for the living room, forgetting all about the morning's activities. She grabbed the envelopes from her father's hand and shuffled through them.

"Where are they from?" he asked.

"…NYU…Penn State…Texas A&M …"

"Well… open them!"

Leah tore through the envelopes, quickly reading the contents of each. When she finished, she looked up at her parents, smiling wider than she had in a long time.

"I got in!" she squealed.

"Where? All three?" her mother asked.

She nodded, letting out another happy squeal and throwing her arms around her parents.

"I'm in! I got in!"

"Oh, Leah, we're so proud of you!" Sue said, happy tears building in her eyes.

"This is wonderful, honey," Harry said. "I knew you could do it."

"What's up with you guys?"

They all looked up from the group hug. Seth, frowning slightly, had wandered into the living room, wondering what all the fuss was about.

"Your sister's gotten acceptance letters from three of the schools she applied to."

"Oh, cool," Seth said, perking up considerably. "When do you leave?"

Leah laughed and playfully slapped Seth on the head with her mail.

"Thanks a lot, kid."

"Aw, I'm just kidding. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"…But really, when do you leave? Can I have your room? It's bigger."

Leah rolled her eyes and ignored her brother's inquiries, instead letting out one more squeal of delight before bounding off to the computer.

"So little time, so many schools to compare!"

* * *

Leah wasted no time, and wasted no thought on Sam and Emily. She heard back from the rest of the schools within the week. Some rejected her, but she was able to add Florida State to her list of acceptances. She spent every spare moment in the high school guidance office or online, comparing and contrasting the schools. She had a few weeks before she needed to send a deposit somewhere, but she was leaving nothing to chance.

Besides, it was fun. Maybe not the type of fun she used to have, but fun nonetheless. All the worrying over college had given Leah a new perspective on life. She could continue to look behind her, constantly tripping over her own feet, agonizing over what could've (_should've_) been, or she could keep her eyes focused steady in front of her. She had a future now, one that didn't include Sam Uley. Or Emily, for that matter. In some ways, she wasn't better. It was betrayal, and it ran deep and ragged. But… if Sam and Emily were that intent on living in some fake, half-assed fairy tale, then they could go ahead and rot in La Push for the rest of their lives. Leah would surely not be joining them.

* * *

One Thursday night, a few weeks after receiving her acceptance letters, Leah was curled up on her bed, reading Hugo's 'Les Miserables.' It was a somewhat depressing tale, but she took some strange comfort in reading about people whose lives sucked more than hers.

She looked up from her novel as someone knocked on her door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?" It was her mother.

"Yeah."

Her mother opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her. Leah marked her place and sat up on her bed.

Sue shivered. "Leah, it's freezing in here! What are you doing with the window open?!"

"I don't know, it was hot."

"Are you feeling alright? You don't have a fever, do you?"

"I'm fine, mom."

"Alright. But tell me if you're sick, we'll get you into the doctor."

"Did you need something, mom?"

"…Les Mis, huh? Isn't that the French one? How is that coming?"

She shrugged. "A little slow. Hugo likes tangents. But it's good."

"That's good. …I had an idea I wanted to run by you. I think it might be a good idea, so just hear me out."

Leah eyed Sue skeptically. "Okay."

"Well, since you were accepted to so many schools, and now you've chosen NYU, I think we should celebrate. I can cook your favorite meal, make a cake, we can have a nice dinner, all of us together…"

"What's the catch?" she said flatly.

"I thought it might be nice if we invited Emily."

Leah stared at Sue blankly. "_What_?"

"You're going to be in their wedding. You've spend so much time lately at fittings and hearing about wedding planning, and I know how hard it's been. I know you wish you could avoid it all, but you've been very strong about it."

"Would… _he_… be here, too?"

"It's… likely, yes."

"_Mom_…"

"It's completely up to you, but I thought it might help, being with them together in the same room. And you haven't seen Sam since… in a while. It might make it easier to be at the wedding if you get it out of the way before."

"You're crazy, mom. Why does everything have to be about that damn wedding? People _have_ gotten married before. This doesn't really make them special."

"There would be no talk of the wedding. This would be 100 percent about celebrating your success."

"When would we do this?"

"I was thinking Sunday might be nice."

"Let me think about it."

"Okay."

Sue went back downstairs, leaving Leah alone with her thoughts. The idea of inviting the two people who had hurt her most over for dinner sounded stupid on paper. But… there were things about it that made it oddly tempting. So much of her life lately had revolved around Sam and Emily and this stupid wedding. You'd think they were celebrities the way everyone carried on. Their lives looked so perfect and Leah's… kind of sucked. Everyone pitied her, and it was getting annoying.

But she finally had something; something to set her apart from them, something to distance herself from the whole disgusting mess. She had something Emily didn't. She was going to do things Emily never would. While Emily was stuck in that little, grey house, wearing an apron and baking muffins, Leah would be off, finally living her life. She would leave La Push, go to a new city, make new friends, take interesting classes, maybe even study abroad. Emily would probably never leave the state of Washington.

And then there was Sam. He wasn't hers anymore, but he had been long enough for her to know that a part of him wanted more. He'd always been stable. He was content with the idea of staying in La Push, but he'd always told Leah that was why he loved her, why he needed her to balance him out. Because he was a rock; steady. But she was fire. And wind. And water all at once. Always seeking, always moving. She had an adventurous spirit, he'd said, and she shook him out of complacency, kept his life interesting.

And now he had Emily. Sweet, mild, mousey Emily.

Leah had a lot of opportunities open to her now. She would get a degree, maybe go to grad school. Live in an interesting city somewhere. Maybe live in many interesting cities in a lot of somewheres. See the world.

Sam and Emily "loved" each other. But the domestic bliss would wear off eventually. They'd be old and boring before the age of thirty, stuck in that run down shack of a house with nothing but each other, while Leah would be gone, far away, living her life.

Maybe it was mean, but there was something oh so very tempting about rubbing it in their faces.

"Hey, mom?" Leah called out as she skipped downstairs.

"In the kitchen!"

She skidded to a stop at the doorway. "Go ahead and invite them."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, sounds… _nice_."

"Alright, dear. I'll call Emily and let her know."

* * *

Leah slept in as long as she could Sunday morning. She woke up, anxious and slightly nauseous, around eleven.

_Calm down_, she told herself, sitting up in her bed and taking deep breaths. _They won't be here until five. Plenty of time to get ready. It'll be fine._

She spent the day fidgeting nervously, compulsively cleaning her room, pacing back and forth. Maybe this had been a bad idea. She felt a little sick. It was probably nerves. But did she feel a little warm? Her forehead was a little hot, maybe she should call the whole thing off have mother take her to the doctor. But it was Sunday. No office hours on a Sunday. And it was only nerves. She could handle this, she knew she could.

Finally four 'o clock came, and she let out a sigh of relief. She could start getting ready; take a nice, long shower, calm her nerves. The steam and warm water would do her some good.

She felt better after her shower, more relaxed, and, returning to her room, began to get ready. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she put a lot of care into her appearance. It had seemed pointless with no boyfriend and barely leaving the house. A quick shower, a comb through the tangles, mascara on a good day, ratty old jeans and a t-shirt, and she was done.

But today there was a glimpse of the old Leah. She carefully blow dried her hair, using a brush to make it as straight and shiny as possible. She plucked her eyebrows into perfect arches, lined her eyes and put on mascara, accentuating her already long lashes. She dabbed a bit of blush on her cheeks and some gloss on her lips.

She chose her outfit very carefully. She slipped into the white, short sleeved, cotton dress she remembered Sam loved so much and slowly did up the zipper on the back. It was a little small, given her recent growth spurt. It stretched a little too tightly across her chest, but considering the occasion and the company, she figured the tighter the better. The dress wasn't really appropriate for late winter, either, but she was overheated anyway, and besides, she couldn't help herself. As much as Sam had loved the dress on her, Leah recalled that he'd loved taking it off of her even more. She knew he would remember that, too. No sense in making the evening easy on him.

She finished getting ready and ran downstairs to help her mother set the table. If Sue had anything to say about Leah's choice in outfit, she kept her thoughts to herself, only sending a slightly raised eyebrow in her daughter's direction, which Leah blatantly ignored.

The table was set for six, the food was ready, and the family congregated in the living room. Harry sat grudgingly on the couch, keeping his nose stuck firmly in a newspaper while Sue busied herself straightening up pillows. Seth's eyes were glued to his video game and Leah sat haphazardly in a chair, her legs thrown over the side, nervously playing with a piece of her hair.

Finally, the doorbell rang. Leah's stomach dropped. It was now or never. She'd debated with herself a lot over the past few days about whether this was a stupid idea or not. But now they were standing on the porch, so her misgivings didn't much matter anymore.

She took a deep breath and, screwing up her courage, joined her mother at the door.

"Emily, Sam, come in," her mother said in greeting.

"Hello, Mrs. Clearwater. It's good to see you," Sam said nervously, reaching out to shake her mother's hand.

"Please, call me Sue. We're glad you both could make it."

"Thank you so much for inviting us," Emily said, sweetly.

Leah took a moment to observe them. It was a pretty ridiculous picture. Sam was taller than she remembered, and more muscular, too. He'd cut his hair short. Leah thought it looked better longer, but he was still as attractive as ever, maybe even more so. Emily looked like a mouse standing next to him. She was simple, and plain. Her conservative cardigan and long khaki skirt looked stupid next to Sam's impressive, athletic body.

Looking at the two of them made Leah feel angry all over again. Leah was pretty. She was smart. She was a perfectly great catch, and Sam was lucky she'd ever talked to him in the first place. So what, exactly, was so damn special about her cousin? From where she was standing, the answer was not much.

"Hi, Emily… Sam," she said evenly. She didn't even bother to look at Emily; instead, in a moment of bravado, fixed her eyes intently on Sam's, daring him to look away.

He did, only for a second. His gaze faltered, trailed slightly down to the scooping neckline of her dress. Leah watched him gulp and quickly bring his guilty eyes back up to hers. No one else had noticed the slip, and it only lasted half a second, but it was enough.

Leah smirked. Maybe this was going to be easier than she thought.

* * *

A/N: So. It took me about a million years to update this. Sorry. : ( I'd like to say that I'm going to be more on the ball with this from here on out, but since school just started, and this semester consists largely of a ton of heavy reading, Italian memorization, and writing for the campus newspaper, I make no promises.

A note on the colleges I picked out for Leah... I picked them completely at random. I know pretty much nothing about them, and since we really don't know what type of student Leah was, I don't know if they were realistic choices or not, but since we all know she turns into a werewolf, anyway, I figured it didn't really matter too much. So just go with it, lol.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Umm... yeah. It's been about three lightyears since I've updated this. College has been kicking my butt. Thank my Criticism professor for this update. Class was so ridiculously boring today that I had no choice but to sit in the back and write fanfic to keep from falling asleep.

* * *

She was a bitch, and she knew it.

Given the present circumstances, however, Leah couldn't find much motivation to actually _care_, much less alter her behavior in any way. In the grand scheme of things, she hadn't killed anyone, or burned down any houses, so making her cousin and ex-boyfriend uncomfortable at dinner?

No big deal.

"And the dorms there are really nice, too. And it's New York City! I'll be just a subway ride away from… everything!"

It was the middle of dinner. Leah had spent the entire meal chattering endlessly about the merits of NYU and her soon-to-be-fabulous new life. Sam didn't say much, which was just fine with her. Emily, sweet Emily, was actually interested in what Leah was saying, confusing bragging for something like friendship. Whether she was oblivious to Leah's thinly veiled digs, or was choosing to ignore them, Leah couldn't be sure, and didn't really care either way. As long as Harry kept pretending to be interested in his brussel sprouts, and Sue did nothing more than purse her lips in disappointment, and Seth played with his Game Boy under the table in between shoveling food in his mouth, she saw no reason to relent.

"Gosh, I'm so excited for you!" Emily said earnestly. "You're going to get to do so much and meet so many new people! And the course catalogue… wow! I can't believe some of those things are actually classes!"

"I know, right? NYU is going to be great…. You know, I'd say you should come and visit me while I'm there, but I'll probably be so busy with classes and going out and stuff. And you'll probably be too busy, too, making muffins or ironing Sam's shirts or whatever it is you do in that house all day."

Emily's face fell a little. "Right, of course. Good thinking."

She caught Sam out of the corner of her eye, glaring at her just a little.

She raised an eyebrow at him in challenge, daring him with the slightest quirk of her lip to call her out for hurting his poor, precious Emily's feelings.

He gave an almost inaudible huff and his shoulders drooped in defeat.

Yeah. The night was pretty much a success.

* * *

She went about her business after that, going to school, daydreaming about college, and ignoring the nagging little bit of guilt in the back of her mind that told her she'd been unnecessarily cruel to Emily. She was sick with a cold, and it was only getting worse; karma was taking care of it, to be sure, so why should she care?

She hadn't seen Emily since the dinner, the calls and surprise visits seemed to have stopped, and while maybe she had been a little harsh, if it meant she was finally getting some peace, then so be it.

Sam didn't bother her either. Not that he had really tried before. Leah didn't ponder that too long, unsure which would hurt more… not being allowed to forget, or being forgotten herself.

Either way, the pieces of her life seemed to be maybe, just maybe, putting themselves back together, slowly but surely. She just had the rest of the school year to finish, the wedding to get through, and then she could hop on a place to New York and never look back.

* * *

Leah lay in her bed. It was a Thursday afternoon and she should have been in calculus. She should have been anywhere besides stuck in bed. It was the very beginning of April and while the sun remained dormant, the snow had at least begun to melt and the chill in the air wasn't as biting as it had been at Christmas. The inhabitants of the reservation had begun to slowly make their way outside.

Seth spent his afternoons in the woods playing stupid boy games with Jacob Black and his friends and, much to Leah's disgust, joined them on their trips to Sam's house in search of Emily's cooking. Leah was jealous, and more than a little hurt (Emily had her boyfriend, did she have to take her brother, too?), but Seth never talked about it, so she convinced herself she was far too busy to care and ignored it as best she could.

She should have been outside with the rest of her town, but the cold she'd been battling finally seemed to have beaten her.

Sue brought soup up to her daughter that night for dinner. Leah lay in bed, trying to sleep but failing miserably. She tossed and turned, she sheets drenched with sweat.

"Leah, honey, you're burning up," her mother said with a sigh.

"I'm fine," she croaked.

"We've been having this argument for the last week. You're going to the doctor tomorrow and that's final."

"Mom!"

"You're exactly like your father! I don't know what it is with you two! Go to the doctor, get some antibiotics and you'll get better!"

"Where's Seth?"

Sue gave an exasperated sigh. "Don't try to change the subject! Harry!" She yelled down the stairs. "Get up here, please!"

"Mom, just leave me alone, I'll be fine!"

"You need to see a doctor!"

"No!"

"What's the matter, baby?" Harry said, walking into Leah's room.

"Daddy! Tell mom I'm fine! And she won't tell me where Seth is! It's dinner time, but I haven't heard him come in yet."

"Sweetie, your mom's right, you should get some medicine in you."

"_I don't want to_!" She yelled at them, tossing harder in her bed.

"Leah! Don't raise your voice like that!"

"Where's Seth?!"

"Why does it matter? He's with Jacob."

"Where's Jacob?!"

"Leah… honey, don't. You're sick enough, don't make it worse!"

"He's at Sam's again, isn't he?!"

"If you know where he is, why ask?"

"I'm sick! My head hurts, my body aches, and my stupid brother is hanging out with my ex-boyfriend and our stupid whore cousin!"

"Leah!" Harry yelled. "Calm down!"

"NO! I don't want to be calm! I'm sick of being told to be calm! I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Leah!"

She heard her father yell her name from somewhere outside of herself. Her muscles clenched as sweat poured off her body. She felt hot, hotter than any campfire she'd ever sat next to, as if she would never be cool again. Her thoughts were scrambled, seeming to run and bleed into each other, swirling around in her head faster and faster until her brain seemed to give up sorting through them altogether.

She could see Sue and Harry as if she was looking at them through binoculars the wrong way. She panted and gasped for air, her lungs feeling as if they were too big for her body.

Her whole body tightened and coiled until finally she snapped, her limbs stretching and pulling, an explosion sending waves through her body like a terrible, painful orgasm. She was falling to pieces, thrown from the edge of a cliff, but in some unnatural way, she felt more whole than she had in her entire life.

She could hear nothing in her head, not the screams of her mother, or the horrified cries of her father as he stumbled backward out her door, clutching his chest. She should have known what the gesture meant, she'd heard of it before, but it couldn't get through the wall of white noise built around her brain.

The walls of her room were closing in on her; there was no time to wait for her brain to uncloud. She had to act.

She flung herself out her bedroom window, the frame splintering and glass shattering around her. She hit the ground with a violent _thud_ and, breaking into a four-legged run, went for the woods.


	9. Chapter 9

How long and how far she ran, she did not know.

The woods were different in the dark of night. She'd been in the forest late plenty of times, most often with Sam, but it wasn't like this; never like this.

All her senses seemed heightened. Hair fell haphazardly in her eyes, but from what she could see, her focus was sharp, even in the dark. She could make out every line on every leaf of each tree she passed. Smells flooded her nostrils; the clear moisture on the grass, April's lilacs, the rot of dead animals under the brush. It was sweet and sour and rank all at once, and it took every ounce of control not to gag.

She ran in wide circles, terrified and unable to cut through the fog in her brain. A million thoughts swarmed her head like an angry mob of bees, and none of them were her own.

_Leah?! What?! But she… What's going on?! What the fuck! She's a girl! This can't happen… Damn it… Lee-lee. No! Tried to… Shock… Save her… Harry… Where is she? Lee-lee…_

_Lee-lee._

Just two syllables, but it cut through the layers and she finally stumbled to a halt. She looked around, frantically, for the source of the voices. She saw it there, moving cautiously from the bushes.

Wolf.

The voice continued. _Lee-lee… please. Lee-lee. Don't run. It's me. I won't hurt you. It's me._

She shook her head, one thought managing to escape the mess, as she backed away from the approaching wolf.

_Sam?_

_Yes. It's me. Please don't run again. I'll keep you safe, I swear it._

Her confusion doubled as she stumbled to the ground, tripping clumsily over rocks and roots.

She scrambled to pick herself up, to get away from the wolf. She glanced at her feet.

…_Paws?_

Her eyes went wide with horror as she looked back up at the wolf, and down again at the paws that could not be her own.

And everything went black.

* * *

When Leah woke up after passing out in the woods, she was in Sam and Emily's bed, wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. She could hear voices in the living room, hushed and frenzied, all of them talking about her. Seth sat in a chair by the bed, head in his hands.

"Seth?" she said hoarsely.

His head shot up, relief washing over him. "Leah!"

"Seth? What's going on? Where am I? Why are you here?"

"Leah… I…"

"Whose _bed_ is this?"

"…Sam's…"

"_Sam's_?"

"And Emily's."

"_What_?"

"I don't even know where to start…"

"Seth… Tell me you don't know what's going on… in the woods… I thought I saw… but you don't know…"

"…I…"

The door creaked open slowly as Sam stood in the doorway, wearing the same expression as he had the day he'd broken her heart.

"Lee-lee," he whispered gently.

"Sam… why… what's in my head? I don't get it… We don't talk. I hate you… why am I here?" she said, eyes wide, her voice never above a whisper.

"It's all real, Lee-lee. What you think you saw. What you're not letting yourself remember."

He made his way slowly into the room as Seth slipped out behind him, shutting the door.

"I… I was sick. I was in my room…"

"Yeah…"

"And…"

"And…?"

He sat down next to her, touching her arm tentatively. When she didn't immediately flinch from his touch, he placed a steady hand on her back, rubbing it in slow circles, soothingly, encouraging her to keep thinking.

"I… Seth was here. I was so mad… Why was he here? He wasn't supposed to be. You hurt me. He's supposed to be on my side…"

"Then what happened?"

"I don't… I don't know…"

"C'mon, Lee-lee. You can do this."

"I…"

"Yes…"

"Mom and daddy… I got so mad… And then… then… I was… in the woods? But why? How did I get there? Why wasn't I…?"

"Why weren't you what?"

"I wasn't… me. I was different. I could hear you. And there was a wolf… And I had paws… and the wolf… he had your voice. And there were other voices, too. And you kept saying 'Lee-lee.' And the wolf didn't hurt me…"

He ran a hand over her hair, waiting for her thoughts to calm.

"The wolf… It was you, wasn't it?"

"Yeah…"

"And I…"

"Oh, Lee…"

"No. Tell me I'm crazy. Please, Sam. You… You don't love me anymore but please, do this for me. Just this. _Please!_"

"I love you, Lee-lee. Not like… but that never changes. I'll help you get through this. We all will."

"No! I don't need help! There's nothing to help! Tell me I'm crazy!"

"Shh. Baby, please. Deep breaths, okay, Leah? You'll get through this."

"No! I'm not… Why are you saying…? No… I'm not a…"

And then the pieces clicked into place. The months-long cold. The aching muscles and the suddenly too-small bridesmaid dress. The anger earlier that night. Seth's growth spurt. Jacob's. Quil and Embry, too. The rest of the boys. The reason they were all joined at the hip, at _Sam's_ hip. Sam's two-week disappearance and why he couldn't tell her. The reason her life had been falling to pieces for nearly the last year.

She looked at him, then, shock painting her face, as realization finally struck. She gave a strangled cry and fell into his arms, sobbing. He held her tightly, rocking her back and forth, whispering gently into her hair. "Everything will be alright."

It didn't matter that his promises meant nothing. It didn't matter that she knew he didn't love her, that he belonged to another, that he'd shattered her.

He had hands to hold her, and in that moment of despair, it was all she could comprehend.


	10. Chapter 10

"How did this happen to me?

"I don't know, Lee-lee."

"Stop saying that."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that, too."

Her words hung heavily around them. It was just before dawn as they sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the beach. Far off in the horizon, specks of light began to make their way across the water. The air was cold, but sweet and full. The soft grass beneath their legs left patterns of dew. Leah stared at the ground, running her palms through the moisture, collecting it on her fingertips, smoothing it gently across her face. Sam stared solemnly out to sea, looking for answers he wouldn't find in La Push, and might never find at all.

Leah had cried for a long time that night. Wrapped in Sam's arms, it was easy to push back the whys and the hows and all the rest of the awful questions, letting raw emotion take over.

When her eyes had finally run dry, it was time to talk. Leah found herself at the cliff with him, listening to him explain things she'd only dreamed of, things she'd discounted as campfire myths; the legends, the stories, werewolves, vampires, the treaty with the Cullen's, the super strength, the linked minds. Imprinting. She listened until she was numb.

_Imprinting. _Whatever the hell that was about.

She'd asked questions; open, probing, rude questions, and he'd answered her honestly.

"Why didn't you fight for me?"

"Wh—what?" he asked, stumbling over the word as her question broke him from his trance.

"You said you loved me. But did you really?"

"Leah…"

"No. Don't _Leah_ me. It's magic. Fine. Whatever. But you say you loved me. So did you even _try_ to fight for me?"

"I…"

"It's not hard, Sam. Either you did or you didn't. But the Sam I knew wouldn't have taken that bullshit lying down. Not if he really loved me."

"It's not that simple, Leah. I loved you, so much more than you can imagine. It's like a… a faded picture now, but I can still remember it. But imprinting… it's… it's gravity. You can't fight gravity."

"Bullshit. You didn't even try."

He sighed. "I guess… I guess I never thought to. I've accepted my fate."

She turned her head from him and stared out over the ocean. The ebb and flow of the waves mocked her. Who were the waves trying to kid? Nothing was that stable, least of all nature.

"I think you're a coward."

"I know," he sighed.

"This doesn't change anything. I'm not just going to suddenly forgive the two of you just because I'm forced in on your wolfy little secret. You don't get to blame magic for your own fuck-ups."

"I wish you could understand it, Leah. I wish you could feel the iron chains locking my heart to hers. I had no other choice."

"There's _always_ another choice. And I hope to hell and back I _never _understand."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't want to be a werewolf. I don't want to be a part of a 'pack' or whatever, especially not with those idiots. And Seth? And God knows the last thing I want is to be anywhere near you."

He winced visibly and she rolled her eyes.

"What the hell did you expect, Sam?"

"I stopped expecting things a long time ago."

"Yeah, well, so did I."

They sat again in silence. There were mere feet between them, but it felt like miles. Or maybe eons. How had he gotten this way? How long had it taken destiny to break him? He was stoic, staring into the sea as if it kept all his secrets. When had he become this resigned, this willing to let fate, to let an abstraction, lead him blindly through life like a dog on a leash? Her Sam was gone. He was no longer the care-free boy who had promised her the moon. He was man, and animal. Leah wondered if he missed her Sam as much as she did. Would fate even allow him such thoughts, or were those no longer his to rule, either?

She vowed, as she sat there watching him watch empty space, that that would never be her.

"Sam! Leah!"

Both looked up at the sudden intrusion. Jacob was stumbling through the brush near the cliff's edge, pulling his shorts on after phasing back to human. They stood up as he skidded to a stop in front of them.

"Old Quil sent me to get you guys. You gotta come quick," he said, his voice panicked.

"What is it, Jacob?" Sam asked.

"Your mom, Leah, she didn't want to bug you unless it was an emergency. Seth's with her at the hospital," he said in a rush. "They thought they'd have time to give you some space, but you gotta come, quick."

"_What_? Why are they at the _hospital_?"

"You… you didn't see? When you… you know, phased?"

"I…"

Jacob looked at Leah. She could see it there in his eyes, flecks of the same expression he'd worn at his mother's funeral some years ago.

"Leah… it's… it's your dad…"


	11. Chapter 11

The world was dark that day. This meant relatively nothing. La Push was always dark. But in the open field of the cemetery, surrounded by dense pines and littered with crumbling tomb stones, it was darker.

She didn't think about much as they laid her father to rest, as they put him in the ground. Her mind slipped to and fro like the wind, idly wondering if it was cold underground. She thought of nothing else as Seth gripped her hand as though to let go would be to drown. Her mother sat next to Seth, holding his arm with one hand, the other limp and useless in her lap. Her face seemed permanently etched with tears. Their grief was unimaginable.

Leah found she could not look at them.

_It's all your fault._

She kept her eyes trained on the trees in the distance. She did not look at her family, nor her father's casket. Words were spoken. She did not listen. Sam and Emily stood behind them. Sam had one hand each on Seth and Leah, ready to act as anchor if they needed it. Emily held tight to Leah's elbow. She allowed them to touch her, to offer her comfort and strength, because she couldn't feel it, anyway.

_It's your fault. You did this._

They had returned home from the hospital earlier that week after the longest night any of them had ever known. All she could recall was barely leaving her room. The details were hazy. There was crying. There were long nights, empty mornings. Day bled into night and back again into day. It seemed… wrong, that the world could keep on turning like that. She'd have thought the sounds of their grief, the grief of an entire community, might bring it to its knees. She'd been wrong.

And the voice inside persisted.

_You did this._

It was there, in the back of her head, reminding her, over and over. She couldn't look at her mother. She'd taken her mother's husband, her brother's father. She could not look at the family that her own monstrosity had ripped apart.

She kept her eyes on the trees. Somewhere, the wind howled in madness.

* * *

People crowded into the Clearwater home after the funeral in a sea of black suits and dresses. Every seat was taken, every space on the walls were leaned upon. Some lingered on the porch or the backyard patio. Embry's mother hovered in the background, keeping the food heated, the deli tray filled, and everyone's glasses full, trying to relieve just the tiniest bit of burden that she could for Sue. Sue and Seth made their way through their home, accepting sad smiles and words of sympathy, offering their own sad smiles and quiet thanks in return.

Leah sat in self-confinement in the corner of the living room, her legs draped down along the first few stairs. She kept her knees together and her ankles crossed, minding what her mother had always told her about skirts and propriety. It seemed so silly now. But she crossed her legs like a good girl who hadn't killed her father and ruined her family and stared at her folded hands in her lap. She dared a glance up at the room, catching several pairs of eyes looking at her in what they must have thought was an inconspicuous manner, their grief and sympathy evident. On any other occasion, she would glare at each and every one of them until they finally got the hint and looked away. But she couldn't find it within herself to care. She continued to stare at her hands.

Sometime later she looked up, feeling the light weight of a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to find her mother, offering her a sad smile and a soft sigh as she lowered herself down to sit next to her daughter.

"Leah, dear, you haven't eaten all day. Embry's mother had a lovely lunch for everyone. Why don't you eat something?" she said, taking her daughter's hand into her own.

"I'm okay, mom," she said softly, unable to look at her.

"Please, sweetie? Just a little sandwich. It would make me feel better if I knew you had something in your stomach."

"Okay," she said, feeling tears well up in her eyes at the sound of her mother's concern; concern she didn't think she deserved. "Mom… I…."

"What is it, baby?"

"I…." She struggled for her words, and suddenly wrapped her arms awkwardly around her mother's shoulders, letting out a strangled cry. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so… so sorry…"

"Oh, Leah," Sue breathed, tears streaming down her own face. "It's not your fault. You must know that. This is _**not**_ your fault. Nobody thinks that at all. These things just… happen. Nobody knows why."

"But… if I hadn't… if he hadn't seen, then he wouldn't… Daddy'd still…."

"Oh, sweetie, please don't do this to yourself," Sue said through her tears. "There was a history of heart disease on your dad's side of the family. He never watched his diet like I always told him to. You know he was stubborn. He would never go to the doctor like he should have. It all just… built up. I don't know why it was his time. But what I do know is that it was _not your fault_. Your daddy loved you and I know you love him. He was so proud of you. He _is_ so proud of you. Do you understand me, Leah?"

She sniffled, and nodded.

"Okay," Sue said, standing back up, still grasping her daughter's hand. "Now why don't you go get something to eat, alright? I want to go check on your brother. And please, sweetheart, don't keep these things inside. Talk to me. You, me, Seth… it's the three of us now. The only way we'll get through this is if we lean on each other."

"Okay."

Sue bent down to kiss her on the top of her head, and then left to check on Seth. Leah sat there on the step for a few moments, then pushed herself up to get something to eat. She walked quickly to the kitchen, keeping her head down and weaving swiftly in and out of the small groups of people in the living room to avoid having to speak to anyone. Miraculously, thankfully, the kitchen was empty.

Exhaling deeply, she sank into a chair at the kitchen table and started nibbling at a random sandwich from a tray. It didn't taste like anything.

She looked up briefly when she heard the scuff of someone else's shoes against the linoleum. It was Sam. He looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders were slumped, his hands shoved in his pockets. Leah didn't say anything, and went back to picking at her bland sandwich.

"Hi," he said quietly as he sat down in the chair across from her.

She nodded a little in response.

"I wanted to see how you're doing."

She shrugged.

"We're here for you. Me, Emily, everybody. For you, your mom, Seth… We all loved him, too. And you're a part of the pack now. We're family. And you're a part of that now, too."

She snorted bitterly. "Yeah, the damn _pack_. 'Cause I'm a fucking _werewolf_. It's my fault," she said, her voice a whisper. "I killed him."

He sighed. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not your fault."

"That's what mom said… I want to believe her… but…. I was _there_, Sam. He looked at me, I was… like_ that_… and he… Maybe mom's right. Maybe it was just his time. Maybe this would've happened anyway… but it _didn't_ just happen. He looked at me, his little girl, and I was just all… wrong. This isn't supposed to be me. I'm supposed to be worrying about prom, and spending time with boys that aren't _you_. I'm not supposed to be… I disappointed him. I disappointed him, and I killed him."

"I don't know how many different ways we can say this, but it wasn't your fault. All I want is that you start believing us. We all love you, nobody blames you. And your dad… god, Leah. He loved you. He was so proud of you. The last thing you ever could have done was disappoint him."

She shrugged again. "I guess…" She stared down at her hands, picking at the corners of the NYU catalogue that had been left haphazardly on the table. It was just last week that she'd been at that table with her father, perusing the catalogue and talking about all the interesting courses she could take in the fall.

"What's that?" Sam asked, looking at the book.

"NYU course catalogue. I don't register for awhile. Everything good will probably be full by the time freshman can register, but it was fun to look with dad."

Sam looked at her hesitantly. "Leah…"

She didn't hear him as she stared out the kitchen window, lost in thought. "Everything… sucks right now. I don't think it's ever going to stop sucking. And mom… and Seth… I look at them and I just feel so… sad. And guilty. I don't want to leave them in the fall. But daddy… he was so proud when I got in, you know?"

"Leah, I think we need to—"

"And it's not like mom would even let me stay home, anyway. They were both so excited. I feel like I owe it to him, you know? To go off and do all the stuff he wanted me to do. He loved the rez, but I think he always hoped that, you know, we'd go off and see the world or whatever. I want to make him proud of me."

"Leah," he said forcefully, shaking her out of her haze.

"Huh?"

"I don't think… I don't think it's a good time to be talking about this right now…"

"Why?"

"It's just… look, we'll talk about this later, okay? With the pack, maybe later in the week, after things have settled down a bit."

"With the pack? I'm just talking about college. What the hell does the pack have to do with me going to college?"

"Not now," he said gently.

"What the fuck is wrong with me talking about college?" she said, glaring at him.

"It's just… I don't think…" he sighed. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"_No._ We'll talk about this _now_."

"I… I don't think this is the right time for you to be thinking about going away."

"But… my family wants me to. It's not like I'm leaving them alone. Not really. Everybody's so close, Mom's got the other elders, Seth's got his friends, and besides, I'd be back for breaks and the summer… And it's not like I'm going now anyway. School doesn't start til the end of August."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then _what_?"

"You're a werewolf now, Leah. It's too dangerous. It can take months, or longer, to learn how to control when you phase. You're new. Anything can set you off, any change in emotion. You could really hurt someone."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "You mean like I did to my father."

"That's not what I said."

"That's what you meant."

"No. We've been through this. That wasn't your fault. But it doesn't change the fact that until you learn to control yourself; really, _truly_ control yourself, and prove that you can, you can't leave the reservation."

"School's not for months. I'll be fine by then."

"You don't know that."

"You're not my father. Or my brother. Or my _boyfriend_," she spit the word venomously from her mouth. "I don't see why I should even listen to you."

"I'm the Alpha."

"Oh, so what you say goes?"

"Yes."

"Fine." She sat at her side of the table, trembling in anger. In a flash, she was out of her chair, and threw the NYU book at him. He dodged, and the book landed with a thud against the wall, the corner of it missing the side of his head by a mere centimeter.

"Leah!"

"_I hate you_."

"C'mon, Lee-lee. Don't be like this. You know it's for the best. Everything'll be okay. I promise you that."

She slammed her chair into the side of the table and stalked to the back door, slamming in shut behind her as she made her way for the yard. Sam got up quickly to follow her.

"You promised me a lot of things," she threw over her shoulder as she made her way into the woods.

"Leah…"

"You promised me you'd never leave me," she said as she started taking off her shoes and jewelry, tossing it carelessly in a path behind her. "But you did." She pulled her black dress over her head, not caring that her ex-boyfriend was still pacing after her. "You promised everything would be okay. _My dad's dead_." She turned on him, fuming, as she kicked off her panties and fumbled with the clasp on the back of her bra. "So forgive me if your words mean nothing."

Sam tried to avert his eyes from her as she spoke to him. She laughed bitterly at the sight.

"Leah… Hold on a second," he said as he took off his jacket and started to undo his tie. "You shouldn't be alone right now. At least let me come with you."

"_No_. You can't fix this, Sam. You can't fix _anything_. So just leave it. Go back inside with Emily." She turned from him, tears streaming down her face. She broke into a run. She phased, and the small, sleek grey wolf made her way deeper into the forest.

Sam stood there dumbly, staring at her until she was out of sight. Somewhere in the woods, he could hear a faint howl of pain. It cut him to the core and her words echoed in his head. She was right.

_You can't fix anything._


	12. Chapter 12

They let her be for exactly one month before Embry ruined it.

The rain came down harder after Harry's funeral. To everyone else, it looked like the same old Washington rain that always pelted the town, but Leah knew better. The skies were as thunderous as her heartache. It didn't stop, it didn't relent. It continued to pound, drowning every surface it could touch.

Leah really hated the rain.

And she really hated the smell of wet dog.

A few days after the funeral, Sam decided she'd had enough time by herself, and insisted she begin to join the pack, as a full member, patrolling the reservation. After their little… chat after the funeral, she did nothing to hold back the stinging glares she had for him. She was convinced guilt was the only thing that kept him from exacting his creepy Alpha power over her and outright commanding that she join them.

He was too pathetic for his own good.

She didn't think she would ever get used to it. Being forced out into the rain, stripping behind bushes, leaving her clothes in piles in the woods—those that she hadn't shredded, anyway—forced to spend her time with those who wouldn't—couldn't—understand.

And she'd had to give up college for _this_.

The days dragged and nothing helped. It didn't get better. Whatever anguish over Sam and Emily that might have been lifted was back two-fold under the strain of being near him almost every waking moment, leaving her sinking in a ocean of despair made deeper by the loss of her father and the pain of her family.

And Sam was incapable of keeping his thoughts to himself. If only he could think of anything other than Emily, perhaps she wouldn't feel the need to hate him so strongly even after so much time had passed.

So it was one month after the funeral that she found herself, in wolf-form, running through the forest, patrolling the western border as Sam instructed, her idle thoughts wandering down twisted, miserable paths that lead nowhere. And she missed her father.

She refocused, poked around in the other's brains, looking for something she already knew she would find.

…_Emily…_

She snorted in disgust. Emily. Really? Was he incapable of an original thought? Was he truly that far gone into his obnoxious "imprint" world to see what he was doing to her? He stuck around long enough to tell her that her life as she knew it was forever gone, or to forbid her from going to college. But when it came to the tough stuff, when she needed him the most, when her entire world was unraveling around her, he was a failure. When it came to doing even the simplest things one should do for the one they claimed over and over to love, he was a failure. It didn't matter that his love was in the past tense, and that he wasn't hers to rely on anymore. That, after all, was the biggest failure of all.

Plus, he was a no-good, lying, life-ruining sonofabitch. She hoped he'd throw himself off a cliff, but not before ruining the other half of that whore's face.

_Bitch._

Her head snapped up, and she quickly pulled herself from the spiraling daze she'd been in just moments before her thoughts had been interrupted. Her steps faltered slightly as she remembered they could all hear her thoughts. Intellectually she knew she could hear them and vice versa, but it was hard to train herself to keep her thoughts away from the others. Having a dozen boys in her head all the time was a nightmare she couldn't adjust to.

Up until this point, they had all given her space to spread her thoughts. She was new, and they all knew the awful things she was going through. They maybe didn't all understand it, but they at least knew. And they cut her some slack.

Apparently the grace period was over.

_Embry… _

_I'm sorry, Seth. I didn't mean for it to slip out. But c'mon, he was your dad, too. And you're not making the rest of us miserable on purpose._

She heard Jared snort as Paul added his two cents. _Yeah, shut up about Sam already, would you, Leah? You'd think with a dead dad, you'd have better shit to think about. This Sam bullshit is getting old. Get over it already._

_Hey!_

_Whatever, Seth. _

She waited. He would tell them to stop, to keep their mouths shut. It was hard for her, they had to understand that. She was doing the best she could with what pieces of her heart she had left. He was her Alpha. And before that, the boy who had promised her the world. He may not have loved her anymore, but the least he could do was stand up for her against a bunch of teenagers.

She waited, strained to hear it.

_I wish she wasn't here._

The weight of his faint thoughts, too vague and unfocused for the rest to pick up on, fell upon her as her knees buckled. It was like a switch going off inside her head, and she saw everything so much clearer. If that's the way he wanted it…

Fine.

_Fuck off, Paul. And go cry to your daddy, Embry… Oh, wait…_

A dozen wolves growled at her. She growled right back.


	13. Chapter 13

Leah ran through the forest, pushing her muscles to their breaking point, and then pushed them more. The wind thrashed through her fur. It whipped through the midnight air as her paws kicked up piles of dirt behind her while she ran. She was supposed to be patrolling, looking for… something? The bogey man? Some guy with an axe for a hand? She didn't know and she didn't care.

Being a werewolf had almost been… fun… recently. She smirked. Indeed.

Embry was an idiot; a simpering waste of perfectly good La Push genetic material. Ever since that bastard had let his little frustration with her slip, she'd been relentless. But she was nothing if not fair, and gave all the other boys hell, too. They'd seen her at some of her lowest points of anguish, both in her mind and in the physical world, and they'd mocked her for it. They deserved every ounce of venom she hurled at them now.

Sam had tried to reason with her. He saw what she was doing, though in his haze of stupidity, didn't understand why. She'd thrown his own thoughts back at him.

_I wish she wasn't here._

He'd fallen all over himself, trying to back pedal. He hadn't meant it the way it sounded. He only meant that he wished she didn't have to be stuck a wolf, too. He didn't step in because he didn't think she'd want him to.

"You're a worthless excuse for an Alpha," she'd snarled at him before slamming the screen door in his face.

The memory brought a smug smile to her snout. She passed the image around for all to see.

Sam rang clearly through her head.

_Leah! You're supposed to be patrolling the eastern perimeter! _

…_It was a bright, sunny day. Leah and Emily, both eight years old, sat in the field behind the Young's house, plucking daisies and weaving crowns for each other. _

"_I'm going to be a princess," little Lee-lee said. "And marry a prince!"_

"_Who's going to be your prince?" Emily asked, looking at Leah with wide eyes._

"_I don't know. Somebody cute! And fun. And somebody who can ride a horse!"_

"_Wow. What about that boy you like? The boy from home?"_

_Lee-lee blushed. "Oh, you mean Sam? He lives a couple streets away. He's two grades older than me, but he plays hide 'n seek with me and Seth sometimes. He's really nice."_

"_He could be your prince."_

"_Yeah," Leah said, shyly. "Maybe."_

"_I hope I find a prince like him, too."_

"_You will."…_

_Ugh! Grow up, Leah!_

_Go fuck yourself, Paul._

Sam sighed_. Leah. Patrolling. Now._

_Whatever, Sam. How long are we going to run around like idiots, looking for shit that's not there? I'm tired. I want to get some sleep. That bar in Forks is having a two-for-one drink special tomorrow night, and I want to go find some guy to fuck. I can't very well do that if I look like death ran over._

Sam was conspicuously silent_._

_Aww, what's the matter? Got a problem with me getting some? Aren't you fucking Emily every night? How do you do it so you don't have to look at her torn-up face, anyway? Do you keep the lights off? Do it from behind?_

He growled.

_She likes it rough, doesn't she?_

_Enough._

She snorted._ That's new. It was always, oh, Leah, don't stop. Lee-lee, baby, don't… stop…._

_Gross! _

_Jealous, Jared?_

_Yeah right. Who the fuck would want to touch you?_

_Right. Like you aren't all staring at my ass when we phase. Bet Kim would love to hear all about that, wouldn't she? Or maybe Claire? Would the little princess like to know that her big, strong pedophile is checking out another girl's tits?_

_SHUT UP, LEAH!_

_Jeez, Black. Don't be so sensitive. I was only kidding. That's what guys do, right? They kid._

_When did you get to be such a bitch?_

_About the same time you all started to be a bunch of spineless dicks._

_Leah… c'mon. I know this sucks, but you've been like this for weeks. Can't you cut us a break? Please?_

_You don't know shit, Seth. Go cry to mom about it if you care so damn much._

_C'mon, you know I care._

Paul snorted._ That makes one of us. _

_You're lucky I don't rip your fucking throat out._

_Like you could, girly wolf. You're just a bitch._

She snarled and snapped at him, glaring at him in her mind.

_Goddamn it, Leah! Go home!_

She rolled her eyes._ Fuck you, Sam, _she threw out casually before phasing back and wandering toward home.

* * *

AN: Writing bitchy-Leah is fun. School's winding down, so hopefully I'll be able to get back into the mood to write more often. Meh. We shall see.


	14. Chapter 14

…What the hell was going on…?

Leah was wearing a hole in her bedroom carpet from pacing back and forth, only pausing to scrutinize the calendar tacked to the wall above her desk. Pause. Stare. Count. Then pace.

She was late. _Very_ late.

It had been… well, weeks, really. When everything had first happened… the wolf thing, her dad… she had just… stopped paying attention. But now, so much time had passed. When had it started, or stopped, rather—and why? She couldn't be…?

She paced harder, working through the trembling of her legs, keeping her feet busy so she didn't fall to her knees.

It was impossible, she thought, shaking her head. It had been forever since… Sam… and despite what she may imply to the pack, she spent more time staring blankly at her ceiling than she did picking up boys at the bar in Forks.

But it not that… then _what_?

Werewolf.

No. She pushed it out of her head. There was a perfectly reasonable, medical explanation. She eyed the pregnancy test on her nightstand, and then glanced at the clock. She'd know in about 45 seconds.

One

Two

Three…

Fifteen

Sixteen…

23

24

25

26…

43

44...

45.

The second three minutes were up, she lunged at her nightstand, not bothering to breath.

One line.

One line meant nothing had changed. One line meant that some sort of freak accident of chance hadn't allowed Sam's sperm to hibernate in her uterus for the better part of a year. She felt stupid for ever thinking it was a possibility.

One line left her feeling an on-coming migraine and one more thread snapping fro the small, worn string from which any chance at reclaiming normalcy had hung. She felt even more stupid because she had really and truly wished that the stick would have a plus sign. A plus sign meant normal problems.

One line meant wolf.

She didn't know for sure. She'd go to Old Quil, painful and embarrassing as it would be. But she knew the answer already. _Wolf. _She slowly sank to her bed and closed her eyes.

Hours later, dusk had settled over La Push when Leah made her way to Old Quil's. She was due out in the forest with the pack soon. They'd have to wait. The boys would give her crap for being late. Sam would shoot her one of his many looks of disappointment. He was getting quite good at those. She didn't care.

Leaves and twigs crunched under her ratty sandals as she walked up to the porch, playing with the frayed ends of her cut offs. Her tank top used to be white. It wasn't anymore.

She paused at the bottom of the steps to look around. The woods around the small brown house were starting to get dark. Leaves rustled in the chilling air. Was she really about to let someone in? And not let, really, but request? She stopped short of thinking of it as pleading. She should have talked to her mother. Sue would listen.

But Sue wouldn't understand. Quil Sr. would understand even less. She took some odd sort of comfort in that fact.

Taking a deep breath, Leah climbed the steps to the porch. She didn't stop to knock, but opened the unlocked door, calling out "hello?" as she crossed the threshold.

"In here."

She followed Quil Sr.'s voice to the living room.

The small room was old and lived in. The walls had the same wood paneling they'd had when the house was built years ago. Old framed pictures, dollar store oil prints of mountain-scapes and ships lined the walls, and young Quil's school pictures sat on top of the stone mantel. Quil Sr. sat in the old worn-out armchair adjacent to an ancient couch covered in plaid brown fabric straight out of the '70s. Nothing matched, but it felt like a home.

"Leah." Old Quil looked at her as she slowly turned the corner into the room. She tried her best to look confident, but she couldn't wipe the uncertainty off of her face.

The elder didn't look too surprised to see her. When she first phased, she hadn't spoken much to the council, save her mother. She'd largely retreated into herself and her grief, reeling from the loss of her father and having her nearly healed wounds from Sam ripped open again when she was forced into his pack.

Sue had strongly cautioned—he wouldn't say threatened, exactly—against the council offering any unsolicited words to her daughter about tradition and tribe loyalty. They wisely heeded her… suggestions. Leah clung to Sue, she clung to her anger, and she clung to Sam—as much as it hurt. But Old Quil knew she would seek out the council eventually.

"Sit down, Leah."

She looked around nervously and took a tentative seat on the couch. "Hi… um… Sorry to bug you."

"That's alright," he said kindly, nodding to her. "I'm glad to see you."

"Is… is Quil here?"

He shook his head. "He was. He left to go join the others out in the woods for the night. It's just you and me, dear." Dear. Wolf or not, tribe protector or not, he still saw that little pig tailed Leah Clearwater, sitting atop Harry's shoulders at all those beach bonfires. A shame, all that those Clearwaters had been through, that a little girl that pretty could grow up to be that angry, that Seth would lose his father before even becoming a man himself. He thought of his own son, and his grandson, his heart a little heavy.

"What can I do for you?"

She bit her lip, twisting her hands around and around in her lap and staring at her fingernails.

"Well, I… I have a question… about…"

"About the wolf?"

"Kind of."

"What kind of question? I'm glad you came to the council, to me. We want to help you kids any way we can."

"It's… it's kind of a weird question."

"It's a weird situation you're in."

"OK, well…" She paused, struggling to put it in the least embarrassing way possible.

Oh hell. There was no such thing, was there? She took a deep breath, and blurted it all out before she lost her nerve.

"I took a pregnancy test because I haven't gotten my period for a really long time, and I just realized how long. It was negative, which makes sense because I haven't had sex since Sam and the last time we did it was a really long time ago, so unless he has super sperm that could hang out in my uterus for months and then knock me up, there's no way I'd be pregnant, but then why haven't I gotten my period in so long?"

She looked at Old Quil, her eyes pleading with him to lie to her, to not confirm what she already knew. He just looked at her for a moment. Heaven help him. The boys in the pack never had questions like this. Leah interrupted the short silence before he could.

"It's because I'm a wolf, isn't it?" she asked flatly.

He took a moment to shift in his seat, clear his throat.

"That would be my guess," he began. "There's not much the tribe histories can tell you. There's no… precedent. But when we're wolves, we don't age. Our bodies don't change—don't cycle as they should. It would stand to reason that phasing would leave your body to unstable to sustain the normal monthly… uh.. cycle."

He silently congratulated himself on being able to have this conversation without appearing too uncomfortable.

Leah nodded dejectedly. "Yeah." She sighed. "Thought so."

"This doesn't mean it's permanent. When we stop phasing, we start aging again. The same could be for you."

It was a small hope, but mostly empty. What did it matter what _could_ happen? She couldn't stop phasing. She didn't have the physical control yet, and Sam wouldn't let her, anyway. She was stuck in limbo with no way out that she could see.

"Can I ask… why not go to your mother with this?"

"I… She wouldn't get it. I mean, the girl part, she gets, but not the wolf part. She cares so much, but… I guess I wanted to talk to someone less… I don't know. She cares so much, and I just couldn't."

She looked down at her hands again, fingers still twisting around and around.

There were two leading theories among the tribe about why the wolves imprinted. Some thought it was about love—the ancestors helping their honored warriors to find true happiness with their soul mates. Some thought it was biology—a wolf imprinted with whoever would help produce the strongest offspring, ensuring the continuation of the gene and the pack.

Leah didn't know which theory she subscribed to. Either way left her stranded, so she didn't see what difference it really made. Either Sam left her because he couldn't—didn't—love her, or Sam had left her because she was reproductively useless to him.

And now… She wanted to take Old Quil's word for it—that the wolf had caused the change in her body. But what if it was her body that had caused the wolf? Maybe it'd been a part of her all along—this malfunction—so fate or the ancestors or whoever was pulling the puppet strings had taken Sam away from her and, seeing no other use for her, made her a wolf.

Her dad had tried so hard to get it through her had that what had happened, had happened because Sam wasn't right for _her_, not the other way around. She could feel her eyes getting red, starting to sting. Now she knew he was wrong.

She looked up at Old Quil. He sat patiently, silently, just watching her.

"I gotta go," she said quickly, getting up without explanation. "Um… thanks…" She turned to leave.

"Leah."

She jerked back around just before reaching the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"Everything has a purpose, a reason. Fate doesn't leave any of us behind."

"Yeah…" she said softly, emotionless. "OK."

She left the house and went straight into the woods, heading south and taking the long way to where she was supposed to be with the pack. She walked slowly, aimlessly, kicking rocks and crunching sticks. A large lump settled in her throat.

What Old Quil had said, it was an old man's proverb, nothing more. She knew better.


	15. Chapter 15

Oh, hey. An update, two years later. And now officially, solidly AU.

* * *

The old man didn't know anything. Neither did the council. She was convinced of that. Destiny doesn't leave anyone behind? She'd heard that before, at the bonfires and gatherings. The men of La Push liked to use it as a way to explain away life's troubles, though it was always destiny leaves no _man_ behind.

Old Quil had the good sense to change it to _anyone_ lest he offend the feminist sensibilities of history's only female werewolf. But regardless of pronouns, Leah was quite sure it was bullshit. Bad things happened to good people all the time. Destiny had certainly cut her father a raw deal.

Leah paused in her aimless wandering to look up. It was officially dark. When she'd left Old Quil's she was just running late. Now she was actually late. The pack was set to meet almost an hour ago. She had stayed human for that hour, needing a reprieve, letting her mind wander to every dark, angsty corner without an audience. It wasn't any surprise the others hadn't found her. They'd have completed half-hearted attempts at Sam's order—she'd heard howling not too far in the distance—but they let her stay lost. Nobody liked her—she made sure of it—so an hour without her must seem like a gift.

Leah scowled, plopping on the ground to lean against the base of a tree. She was all too happy to give them the gift of her silence for as long as she could manage that night.

It wasn't because they hated her. It wasn't that she didn't want to appear weak or emotional. She wouldn't—couldn't—share this with them. If she was sloppy she might use it as ammo against Sam—look what you and your stupid werewolf crap took from me.

But she wouldn't. They wouldn't understand. Not because it had to do with periods and her uterus and other gross girly things those idiot boys couldn't handle.

They all had futures, every one of them, especially those with imprints. They knew how their lives were meant to be. They would protect their community. Settle down with their soulmates. Produce the next generation of protectors. They were heroes.

Leah had no idea who she was. She didn't know what her future held, or even if she had one. She was a dead end.

It was such a basic function, having children. Women had done it for thousands of years—would do it for thousands more. It wouldn't mean anything to the pack if she couldn't. (_"Who'd want kids with you anyway?"_) But it was one more tie to normal, one more bond to a life that made sense, which was gone now.

At this point, she was just good for taking up space, she figured.

A low rustle in the brush pulled her from her thoughts. She sighed. The solitary night was too good to last.

Sam in his wolf form stalked out of the bushes, a growl starting low in his throat, ready to escape before phasing to his human form to chew her out for being so damn irresponsible.

But the sight of her left the growl to die before reaching his teeth. Something about the way she was slouched—legs sprawled in front of her, arms limp in her lap—and the resigned look in her eyes told him not to phase. He wasn't sure what he was intruding on, wasn't sure why he should even care given her generally terrible way about everything lately. But standing in front of her fully human, looking her in the eye as a man, just seemed wrong. Cruel.

She sighed and looked up at the wolf.

"I know, I know. I'm late." She paused for a second, letting out a bitter snort at a joke he didn't understand. "I'm coming."

The wolf gave her a long look. She stood up, ducking behind the tree to change out of her tank top and cutoff shorts. "Don't give me that look," she called around the tree. "Just… put your bullshit hero complex on hold tonight, all right? I'm fine."

She threw her clothes up in a nook in the tree and phased.

'_Then why were you late?' _She could feel him trying to prod at her thoughts.

'_Fuck off.' _They moved swiftly through the woods to where the others were gathering.

'_C'mon, don't start that shit already. I'm the Alpha. You were late. I want to know why.'_

'_And I want you to fuck off.'_

Her head was already full of so much bullshit chatter from phasing. It was hard to keep a lid on the conversation with Old Quil, so she started humming in her head all those stupid Fourth of July songs she'd learned in school as a kid, focusing on every individual note, trying to keep control.

'_This land is your land, this land is my land…'_

They reached the rest of the pack, none of them shy in sharing their disgust that not only was she so damn late, but that she'd bother to come at all, just when they'd gotten used to the pleasantness of a night without her.

Jacob glared at her. _'Nice of you to show up, Clearwater.'_

He was in a foul mood. They were going over the plan that night for an upcoming fight with the Cullen clan against some bitch vamp freak and a bunch of newborns. Veronica, Victoria or something, was pissed at the Cullens for ripping apart her boyfriend and was coming back to Forks to exact revenge. She didn't see what this had to do with the pack, other than Jacob's pointless crush. As long as they weren't coming to the rez, let the Cullens sort out their own mess.

'_It's our __**job**__, Leah,' _Jacob said with disgust.

'_Why were you so late, anyway?' _Seth asked gently. _'Everything OK?'_

'_Fine_,_' _she ground out before taking up humming in her head again. They all groaned.

They went over the plan, Sam giving out orders and explaining timing and formations. Jacob stared hard in front of him through the whole thing, ready to do whatever it took. Leah stared just past Sam's shoulder for the talk, paying just enough attention to get by, ready for the night to be over so she could crawl into bed. Judging by the scents they were tracking, the confrontation would happen the day after tomorrow. They should all be ready, Sam said before dismissing them. The boys all left to go home, running off in the directions of their houses. Jacob threw one last nasty look her way before taking off.

'_Lives are on the line_,_' _he spat at her. _'Don't fuck this up for us.'_

She kept her face hard as she looked at him, refusing to break eye contact before he did first. Lives are on the line. Did he think she was stupid?

She tried to think of when things had gotten so fucked up that even Jacob Black didn't like her anymore. He'd always liked her. For years, he'd come over to hole up in Seth's room with his action figures, and invent reasons to linger just outside her open bedroom door. She'd enjoyed the attention back when she was young and light and happy. She'd make a point to stand tall, hip slightly cocked, and brush her long hair in front of her mirror, a silly grin on her face, knowing she was putting on a show for him. She'd catch his eye in the mirror and give him a coy look that said keep this to yourself or my boyfriend will kick your ass. Then she'd giggle. It was just a silly game. He was a cute kid. They'd all been cute, and fun to tease in that Seth's older, pretty sister sort of way.

She remembered how he sat with her at lunch sometimes, during her last year or so of high school, especially after Sam broke up with her. They hadn't talked much, but her sadness had been plainer then, and not so laced with anger. Jacob had a thing for damsels in distress, if his obsession with the leach lover was any indication.

But Leah wasn't much of a damsel anymore. Just a bitter harpy.

Honestly, the harpy act was starting to get a little exhausting. But at this point, she didn't really know how else to be. And it was easier for the boys, she told herself. They'd never realize it, of course, but they were all so simple. Imprinting, damsels, soulmates, harpies. They knew what to do, how to act, what to say, with a bitch.

Leah shook her head, pulling herself from her thoughts as she reached the edge of her yard.

Maybe the whole not fucking it all up thing—maybe she'd give that a shot just this once.


End file.
